2 days ago I found out a 15 month old nephew of a close friend was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
The same evening another friend lost 2 cousins (17 and 19) on their way to college- in a tragic car accident.
I awoke with a heavy heart this morning. These familes were on my mind. I was thinking and feeling about how it would feel if it were my beloved nephew, or my precious cousins...
My journal entry was thus:
8-23-06
If I were a painter I'd start with a black canvas today.Life is harsh.
I feel the grittiness of it.
As if a fine layer of sand covers all of me-
rubbing and irritating the most delicate places-
like my eyes.
With every blink the sharp grains embed themselves deeper, cutting the flesh.
The tears flow to wash out the sand,
BUT there are never enough tears.
It's dark in my world today.
Like the proverbial rain cloud over my head in an otherwise sunny location.
***************************
I grieved for these families...but as the day progressed, so did my outlook.
I got an update that the baby was most likely a candiate for surgery and that the tumor was not a death sentence. An answer to prayer.
I had lunch with a dear friend (I posted that at MV Photos)- who gave me good advice.
And another friend I love very much stepped out of the shadows to say "hi"- which felt so good.
T is working late again- so I took the kids out for a special dinner- and we laughed- and talked, and I enjoyed them. Healthy, happy (except for the ill effects of puberty) and interesting people- they are.
It's good to grieve for anothers suffering- and important to treasure the blessings of life and goodness that are before me.
And when things in my life take a difficult turn- I want to remember that I cherished
and appreciated what I had when things were easier. That I LOVED my friends and family while they were living. Hugged my nephews when they were little.
Enjoyed my kids as they grew up-
Sensed and understood the depth of a terrible storm in the lives around me, but didn't fail to notice that the sun was shining...somewhere...
and usually not too far from me.
12 comments:
That's terrible news, Cora. I went to school with someone who survived brain cancer as a child, though. Hopefully your friend's nephew can make it as well. Still, I know that caring for a fifteen-month-old will be extremely difficult. But there is hope isn't there?
As a child, I lost my best friend to a fire. There was no justice in her passing that I can think of (especially since she and her family were exceptionally wonderful people). Ever since then,I've really treasured those I love, even if I don't tell them often enough.
I shall say a prayer for your friend's nephew, Cora. Nephews are the greatest gifts, and I have faith that he will survive this.
I think a dinner out with your children was the best way to handle the grit of the day. Smile with them, laugh with them, and give them extra hugs.
I guess if we gain a little perspective, we give at least that slight meaning to someone else's suffering.
Better if we could skip it though.
X~ I hope there is always hope...
and light- and love, and I pray I am ever wise enough to feel it, see it, and show it~
Miss E- thank you. I have the "boys" today- it has been special. I keep rubbing the back of the 18 month olds head- and kissing those cheeks! :) I so appreciate your thoughts and prayers~
iamnot- yeah- these issues seem mighty hard to come to terms with.
It's hard for me to understand...
What do you know about the tumor? Is it malignent? I am guessing it is. I am so sorry. I just lost a friend recently and it nearly did me in. I too, like Thursday will pray--perhaps they caught it in time and there can be a complete healing. My mom died of cancer--it wasn't pretty, but I will tell you this: when it comes to life and death, you always have to choose the side of hope, even if the results seem self-evident. I firmly believe there are worse things than dying, such as unresolved issues and undeveloped dreams. Sometimes illness is our best teacher.
I hope I don't sound like an idiot.
EOR~
I always worry that I sound like an idiot. I have actually written 1st drafts for some of my replies to X! (I doubt he knows that :)
Please...nothing that comes out of your mouth is less than thoughtful or insightful. I always appreciate your comments.
I do think it is malignant- but it seems he is a candiate for surgery and radiation/chemo therapy.
And I agree that there are worse things than death- and I have seen tremendous changes in people who lost someone close- changes for the better...but for the worse as well.
I have to be reminded that I AM WHERE I AM not to be overcome with woe- but to reflect light, or learn something, or DO something.
But I forget...
Please accept my condolences. Hang in there, Fair Mayden.
how terribly sad....it's doubly harder when it's a child...my prayers go this child..
Those are beautiful words, Cora.
One of my favorite quotes: "As long as there is life, there is hope."
I am thankful of the blessings that have given a new life to two of my own loved ones, one with a brain tumor and the other with hydrocephalus, total combined years, 11, total combined open head surgeries, 14. My prayers go to these people and that they receive the same blessings that i have.
PW, Lux and Bone...
Thank you for your kind words and warm thoughts~ there are hard times ahead for this little one...
Dear Q~
So much hardship for ones so little- and beloved.
My thoughts and prayers go out to these babes as well, and for those close to them who have held them when they hurt and loved them so completely.
thank you, sincerely, for being here~
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