Reflections on my Mom...

I am good- and almost completely better :)  Thank you for checking in on me ♥   However,

My mom has been ill, and is now in the hospital.   For the last 3 years, in addition to caring for our families, my sisters and I have been taking care of the lady who brought us into the world...
She is not well.

Last week as I stood at her kitchen sink and washed her dishes I discovered 2 knives she had bought many years ago in her marriage to my dad.    The knife distributor was a door to door salesman who had "everlasting" blades in his bag, and he was selling top quality cutlery which "would last her a lifetime".   It donned on me, as I stood there, in mom's government subsidized apartment, these knives were all she had to show for her 38 year marriage.   My sister reminded me that "I" was also something to show for all those years.   Sigh.   I felt tears in my eyes.   Somehow, the 6 of us didn't, or couldn't, quite validate the importance of the woman who was sick and dying before our very eyes.

She is better, but things are changing.    Unlike my beloved Foamy, I can't move mom in with us and give her all the physical and medical attention she deserves.   Her needs are great and beyond my skill.   She understands and accepts this fact.

As I move through this period of grief, and it is grief- even though she is still here, I lose a small part of her every day...I want to write about the things she has said and done which imparted wisdom, laughter, and joy to me from my early years until the present.   Even yesterday she made me laugh!

She is allergic to percocet, and she said, "It makes me itch like a monkey with a flea!"
LMAO!
I know you do not KNOW my mom, but that is one of the funniest things she's ever said to me!    And I have seen her itch on percocet...so maybe that's part of why the phrase is so funny :)

When my Grandmother (mom's mom) saw me for the first time as a baby, Grandma said she saw a halo around MY head.    She told my mom I was special.   Before last night I had NEVER heard that story.     I'm not sure my Grandmother or my mom were/are right- because I have certainly made a TON of mistakes and bad choices...but my mom swears the story is true.    I am NOT an angel.   I am ONLY holy if Jesus has made me so, and I feel very far from all those things these days.

Eternal life has less value to me than this present life, and forgive me if I sound like a doubter...because I am not.   I do believe in God, and I think He has a special place for souls like that of my mother.   I feel certain life exists beyond this dim plane- and people I have loved deeply have made it clear to me their love still exists for me- and is extended to me, despite being in a form I can no longer hug or touch.    LOVE is an ENERGY.    Period.   Figure out what ENERGY is and can do and you will understand what I mean.

My mom used to sing nursery rhymes to us as a kid...one was "Sam, Sam, the garbage man- washed his face with a frying pan, brushed his teeth with a monkeys tail, and died with a toothache---in his..heel"

she always paused before saying the word "heel"- knowing full well we'd think that didn't quite rhyme...

???"Died with a toothache- and went to hell...."???

Our Dentists ALWAYS said we had the BEST TEETH!

I so love my mom.

More soon :)

The surgery went smoothly, and it seems I can type fairly well and with almost no pain now that the bandages are off.   The recovery though, as I feared, has been a bitch.
I am simply a miserable person when I'm "limited".  "Limited" by pain, or a handicap, or being lost in an unfamiliar city- I'm miserable.
Add to the misery of hoping the regular things will be taken care of, like the shopping, and cooking, only to find my "helpers" sitting on the sidelines and waiting for instructions...as they always do.

I wonder if I died how long it would take before someone realized they'd need to write a grocery list and go to kroger?   I suppose if I actually died family and friends would jump in and handle a multitude of motherly tasks for a period of time, at least until the life insurance kicked in- then they'd order take out until they ran out of money?   I want to get better soon, but I don't want to return to the castle and be the ruling queen just yet.     Unfortunately it is my castle (or hive?) and no one else knows how to run it smoothly.   For now I'm trying to find contentment in the fact I can wash my own hair (with a water proof glove) and dry it with only a little help.

More soon...and hopefully I'll be back to normal...or whatever I was :)

Left Handed Fun and Fumbles...

With the knowledge my right hand will be of little use to me after the carpel tunnel surgery next week- I've been trying to see what I can and can NOT do with my left hand...I mean, there are people who have lost limbs via accidents and injuries who play basket ball, and play drums, and cook, and make beautiful paintings holding a paint brush in their teeth for heaven sake!  Surely this minor surgery will not be a big deal for me?

The results are comical and somewhat humiliating.   I can brush my hair, and my teeth, and put on most items of clothing.  However, a bra is going to be tricky.   For fun I tried on a sports bra one handed and it worked out ok- but it's amazing how much twisting and jiggling, and adjusting is necessary to make it fit properly with TWO working hands- much less one.   I'm sure I would have won a "funniest video" award if it had been on tape...thank GOD it IS NOT on tape!
Buttoning blue jeans is right out.   Blow drying my hair is almost impossible.  Putting on mascara with my left hand is tedious.  Making tea (thankfully) is no problem.  Opening items with a twist off top requires me to sit down and use my legs as vice to hold whatever needs to be opened.  Texting left handed is a hoot!  (if you have free texting, text me- I'll gladly email you my number).   I'm a rabid texter with both hands and I can write paragraphs easily in a matter of seconds, but left handed my answers look like a 2nd grader got my phone and started drinking.
Text from daughter:  Mom, what are we having for dinner?
My answer, left handed: Wwe 3e having trky w greebeans.   Ughhhhhb

Something about the "alt" key makes the letters A and R the number 3.   Don't try to understand it, but trust me, it's a disaster when I text left handed.   A touch screen phone would be a big help- but I'm not sure that's in the budget right now.

Of course I won't be driving for several days after surgery- so I won't be a menace on the road.   Showering is ok, but washing my hair will take extra time.  I'm thinking I just need to go to the beauty college for a cheap wash, dry, and style.  Maybe they will do something jazzy with my barbie hair?   I'm sure by Friday after surgery I'll be happy with anything they want to do.   (the friend who does my hair lives about 20 minutes away, and I'm not going to be up for the drive- but the beauty college is 2 miles from my house).
I am, thankfully, proficient at all other bathroom requirements.  'Nough said about that!

I tried writing the alphabet with my left hand...then a complete paragraph.  It's mind blowing how perfectly well I know how to write letters and form words, and how idiotic and elementary my handwriting looked when I was finished.   I would have guessed it was written by a 7 yr old if I hadn't written it myself.   AND to make matters worse- I couldn't focus on the content of what I was trying to write because I was focusing so hard on HOW I was forming each letter and word.   It was maddening.   I will not be signing any checks, or sending cards with handwritten notes for a while after surgery.   (unless I can sign the card as if it was from my 6 yr old nephew Asher :)

Cooking is a slow and arduous affair with one hand.  Cleaning is too.  Playing Angry birds kind of stinks left handed!  (Poor me- not!).   Using the remote for the TV is a skill I have mastered, as well as opening Dove chocolates, sipping hot tea, reading my Kindle (and other books), and feeding my bunny.   It looks like I have all the important stuff figured out :)

For fun, try not to use your dominate hand for just 15 minutes during your day.   I was going to say try not to  use it all day, but that seems unfair.   Just 15 minutes.  (Hint, open the wine bottle before you start the 15 minute exercise- you will be glad you did- lol!)  

I can not complain.  This will be a temporary set back and will make my life better when it's over.  I'm sure the real adventure will be even more interesting (like putting in and taking out my contact lenses- I haven't tried that one yet), but I probably won't blog about it much---I hate having to hunt and peck!   But who knows- I might! :)

cora.blue@hotmail.com

Up To Date at Mayden's Voyage

                                     (Mug says, "I love you this BIG".  It's at least 4 cups!)

The Carpel Tunnel:  My surgery is on November 22nd.   Life with one arm (for a few weeks) will be interesting, but I always like a challenge.   I will absolutely enjoy and take advantage of the "down time"...even though I can only sit still for so long :)   I will NOT have to cook or participate in any of the Thanksgiving madness that typically swirls around me during this time of the year.  This holiday will ACTUALLY be a holiday for me...a break, a time out.   However, not being able to write will be hardship for me.  I enjoy the process.   I imagine I will give my left hand a shot at putting words to page, and I wouldn't be surprised if I mastered it.

The Job:  About 2 years ago, via my best friend, I met a friend of hers who owned a vehicle graphics company.   When he asked me, "What do you do?" and I said, "I'm a writer"- he was curious.   I sent him to Mayden's Voyage as well as my Coraspondence blog, and told him of my work as the Public Relations rep for a child who needed a transplant- and I handled all press and media material for her campaign- as well as articles I've written, newsletters I've published (big and small), curriculum material for pre-school, and even an obituary.   Over time he went and read my stuff.   He liked it.

This Spring he approached me about writing web and blog content for his company web site.  I was nervous to accept at first, mostly because I knew NOTHING about vehicle wraps, but I was curious- and I was a good enough friend to be comfortable going with him to visit job sites and LEARN about what his company does.  Thus my "getting paid to write" era began- and as of yesterday I have written 28 blog posts about Capital Wraps ( www.capitalwraps.com) look for the blog.   I'm also working on a blog for my brothers law firm in California, but would like to add other companies to my writing list and perhaps turn this into a career.   Several years ago Blogs were seen as (and can be) places where people vent or keep an online journal.   However, for a company, a blog on a business website is the VOICE of your company.   It's cheap and informative advertising.   The company already owns the website, why not give customers a place to read and get a feel for what the company does?

While I am definitely not able to pay the mortgage with my part time writing jobs and my bee keeping skills, I am earning a little to put aside for me.   Not to mention the validation I get from doing something I love- and someone in the world actually paying me to do it.  (and it being legal- lol!)

I've been kept from my personal blogs for a number of reasons.  I've discovered being away from this community is a detriment to myself, and I love it when I'm here.   This place is home.  The friends I've made here have a significance and value that can not be replaced.  Upon re-discovering a printed email (written in 2006) from a blog friend last week, and him being in so many of my thoughts- I realized I was missing out on something important.   I want to return to this community with the same passion I had early on.  I'm tired of facebook, tired of reading the endless dribble from people who have "friended" me because we went to the same high school.   I should delete my facebook page and start one called "Mayden America" and just use it as a marketing tool for my honey and home-made items.   I like the way FB keeps me in contact with distant family, but there is something kind of creepy about the social networking sites in general.   FaceBook is the fast/frozen food version of a BLOG.     Give me the real deal...the grilled steak and baked potato, or the stuffed turkey and all the veggies...keep the hamburger and fries.   Yes, I see where and how there is a place for both, but just as with eating out, it should be the exception and not the rule.   Same with blogging.   If you have something worth saying- sit down and pound it out.   Otherwise, I'm not really interested in anyone's laundry and To-Do lists.   My time is a little more valuable than all that.

Hugs and more soon.   I'm itching to write about our local prison and judicial system, which I've seen a bit of here lately due to the arrest of a childhood friend.   Prior to 2 weeks ago I had never been inside the front doors of our local correction center.   It's been an eye opener to say the least!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Bunnies and things...

A little over a year ago my daughter started asking for a pet bunny.   She found a farmer in a nearby county who sold rabbits...and she and her father went over to pick one out.   They came home with 2.   They were the sweetest, tiny, most precious Holland Lop bunnies I have ever seen.   Fortunately they were both girls- which has it's own set of problems, but at least there won't be tons of baby bunnies running around at my house.  (although, as sweet as this one is- I don't think I'd mind).

My bunny is named "Kitty"- mostly because she liked to snuggle like a kitten when she was a baby.   My daughters bunny was a rambunctious little creature and was always looking for an escape route- which she finally found.   Kitty remains with us and is undoubtedly my bunny.   She still likes to be held and petted and I spend about 30 minutes a day with her on the deck.   She is litter trained and definitely enjoys the freedom
of the closed in deck.  
 

Yesterday I was diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel in my right arm/wrist- and need to wear a brace for most of the day.  Unfortunately I probably waited to late to see the Dr. because the nerve damage has begun to weaken the muscles in my hand.  On a positive note the surgery is not terribly complicated and will undo most of the damage.   While the condition is painful at times it's mostly irritating, and the way the brace limits my daily function is aggravating.  I feel fortunate to have a good Dr. close by who is taking care of me.   By this time next week I will have had a nerve study and that will determine what we do next.

I need to tell you all about my newest job- and actually getting paid to WRITE :)   More soon, but I hope this post finds you all well.   I send my best to each of you ♥