Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Idiots and heroes...all on the same icy road.

First of all I live in, and love, the South.
People from here, in general, are good natured, easy going, and are willing to jump in and help out in a crisis. Forget the stereotypes, though I admit they have their place in the world, people FROM the South are often kindhearted, thoughtful, and well intentioned.  Yes, we have our share of greedy dumbasses, but for the most part, we embrace people from all walks of life and consider the needs of others above ourselves.
Today, on my way home in the snow storm, I had to pause to reconsider my roots, my kindness, my manners, and my ability to deal with idiots.  If I'd had my Bersa 380 with me all bets would have been off.  I have never seen such an astounding group of ill prepared, STUPID, and inconsiderate people in my entire life.  I can only assume they are transplants from the North or the West Coast.  Yes, Yankees, or damn foreigners!   No one born and raised in this neck of the woods could be so incompetent.   However, I do admit a snow storm of this intensity is enough to make anyone a little stupid- it was/is really bad.
My dad, who is from Indiana- always told me, "Snow is fine to drive in, but ice is another story."   From him I took my cues when it came to driving, and I've always felt that snow was "doable", but ice was something to be avoided at all costs.
Apparently some people can not find a way to drive on a wet road, much less one covered in snow. Triple their incompetence when it comes to ice.   When ice is involved- please alert the morgue- because you will have an influx of deserved visitors!  (at least I hope so)

My first clue trouble was ahead was when I drove down the empty street next to my office and saw a woman, near her home, stop her car in the middle of the street, to wipe her windshield with a scraper brush.  Yes...she was half a mile from home, and stopped- IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, to clean off her windshield.  A little further down the street several people, whose cars were not in ditches or off the road in any way, had exited their vehicles- apparently, just to walk around in the snow.
The main roads, as you can imagine, were impossible to traverse.
My Google GPS took me a way home I had never been before...avoiding the congested streets and areas with reported accidents, it took me through the housing projects- where apparently people have no cars- and they simply congregated on the corners to see if anyone would break down.  It was kind of like Firefly having to coast through the really horrible part of deep space- and hoping they wouldn't be raped, cut up, bbq'd and then murdered for merely being in the wrong part of the solar system.   Obviously, I made it through unscathed.  Or at least I think so.

An hour out of my way, and surrounded by Asians and Indians in tiny cars, I found myself on a familiar road, yet mysteriously at a stand still. No one was moving, except for the tiny woman from India (who had abandoned her car and was walking) who wanted to talk to other motorists who were at a standstill.  She was very cute, and when I rolled down my window to listen to her, she kept insisting everyone up ahead was stuck.
I chose to believe her and turned around.
I sort of wondered if we were all headed into an internet sort of scheme- only a highway version.

I took the very road the police had warned us against.  A long, curvy, hilly sort of road that had not been plowed or treated in any way.   Of course, this road, while being free from any sort of city treatment, was also free of all idiots.  No one in a little car would brave this particular street.  Even Santa would have been wary of it.  I, on the other hand, was pretty sure I could manage it, and if I ended up in a ditch, at least no one would see it- or find me until I was properly dead.   Heaven forbid I be found in a ditch and not properly dead...I could not bear the embarrassment of all that!

In less than 10 minutes I was home.  A giant truck about 200 yards ahead of me had made a perfect path for my 4Runner to follow along in.  No idiots, no abandoned cars, just me and the beautiful snowy road was ahead of me.  No one ran into me, or scratched my truck, or rear-ended me.  It took over 3 hours to get home, but I avoided all the zombies on the road.
Wait, I meant...idiots.
They WERE just like Zombies.

I really should have had my gun with me.