Sunday, June 25, 2006

When I open my eyes...

This is the first thing I see...

Trees in winter. I love trees in winter.

The 2 pictures on either side are the same, they kind of trail off- or draw you in.

As some of you know, I've been married for almost 17 years.

I never got around to decorating the bedroom- in any of our homes- until last year.

I decorated/ painted the kids rooms, the bathrooms, the dining room- the kitchen. I put a lot of emphasis on the comfort and enjoyment of my kids dwelling places, and the rooms that would be seen most often by other people...but my sanctuary was left undone for a long time. Why?

Why have I let many dear and personal things of importance slip past me like so many foamy bubbles in a rushing river? Why have I not insisted on what was good for me- when I could have insisted? Why have I placed such grand importance on so many others...and not on myself?

Don't I like me?

I'm not talking about my kids- because they always come first. For years and years I have put Hubby first- but he doesn't like it. Then there was the Church, and my extended family, friends, the school...and anything else that came up.

"Everyone was more important than me".

I wrote that yesterday to a friend- in reference to my being the oldest of 6 kids and the little ones in the family having greater/more urgent needs than I did.

I'm not sure their needs were greater- but the one crying with dirty britches is going to be attended to before the moody teenager who is "processing"
heaven-knows-what in her pubescent brain.

This is not to say that I was not important to my parents- I know that I was- but there are only so many hours in a day.

I learned to be independent and resourseful and I had an excellent knack for taking care of others...I am very good at it.

Tim's grandmother died a year ago in January- I had been taking care of her until the year before her death. 10 months later I painted the bedroom by myself.

This past spring I finally bought the comforter set of my dreams- at Costco.

The beautiful "Trees in Winter" came from Costco too- I felt guilty for spending $550 for "art"...but I fell in love with the pictures the moment I saw them.

I knew that for the rest of my life- I could gladly wake up looking at those prints, and never tire of them. I was worth it.

Those are life chaning words- not to be abused, and not to be used an excuse to have whatever you want whenever you want it. But, if you have lived most of your life blindfolded to your own "Significance" (blog coming on that soon!)- it's a powerful thing realize how much worth you have- TO YOURSELF.

I am worth the time it takes to go for a walk to be healthy.
I am worth the effort it takes to be good at what I do.
I am worth the money and skill it takes to have a sanctuary for my bedroom.
I am worth someones time.
I am worth his attention.
I am worth being loved.
I am worth being loved.

So are you.


Anteros said...

You indeed are worth it Cora, had it not been for the realization that we all are worth being loved and worth happiness I'd have never made the needed changes in my life.

Never doubt for one moment that you are worth it, live life expecting nothing less for it is the truth.

iamnot said...

Gets me thinking....
I'm sure you'll see echos of this post on my blog.

doc-t said...

You most certainly are...

and I most DEFINITELY am!!!

God said I was His favorite...

Oh wait... No... um.. actually I told Him I was His favorite... That doesn't count does it?

Now, the serious comment.

Love demonstrates itself in sacrifice and it is not only appropriate, it is good to love others.

You must have your priorities... Your children, your husband, Me, some other stuff...

okay.. maybe I'm not on your list...

but YOU MUST fall on that list somewhere and not so far down that you easily get left out...

if the mother ship isn't in good working condition how is she going to take care of the kid ships?

i'm glad you put you on the list...

Libby said...

cora, that's a wonderful thing to ARE worth it! i'm working on the opposite problem with myself right now...

schaumi said...

Okay Cora,

Putting others before yourself can be such a typical female/mother/wife type thing to do. I don't know why we do it, but many women (moi included) seem to fall into that trap. If you have pets, I bet your pets have gone to the vets more often than you have taken time to go to the doctor. At least that has been the case in my house.
It's okay to put the children first when their needs and (sigh) active social calendars warrant it. But there comes a time when they are big enough to where you can say shoo....outta here, give me my space. I am learning to do that.
If your husband doesn't like all that attention, than put all that attention towards you. And it seems as if you are successfully doing that.
I need to be doing some of that myself. The last time I have had time off without children AND HUSBAND was when my almost 15 year old started 3 year old preschool. I emphasize the husband part, because we do take time to go off w/out children. He, however, has had several outings with friends without me (with my blessing though) because I know time away from the family is important. hmmmmm, why am I not applying all the knowledge towards myself? See, typical female thing...thinking of others first.

PS: I think you should put doc-t on your priority list. He seems to need the occasional pat on the head.... :);)

Mayden's Voyage said...

Anteros- thank you :) A truth to live by...

Iamnot- what a photo on your blog! Did you get my note? I know you will if you haven't...such a talent you have! I'll keep checking in to see what you post :)

Doc- you are on my list! :) Actually- this is kind of personal/silly- but I'll say it anyway...There is a guy- who I'd swear was Hawaian- that works in the pharmacy at Costco. Everytime I see him I always feel like I know him- and I couldn't figure out why. It is because he makes me think of you! :) I thought about asking him if I could take his picture- but then I decided that he might think I'm a freak or something! :) Oh well- maybe I'll ask him and post it anyway!
Thank you for your kind words :) It is easy for me to love others- harder for me to love myself- but I'm working on it! :)

Libby- what is the opposite problem? :) Jeeesh...with all that is going on in your family- bless are worth your weight in gold! :)

Schaumi- Thank you :) I think we might need a girls camping weekend- no- make it a girls weekend at a hotel! :) LOL!
You are right- and I saw my mother do this, and her mother-- I should blaze a new trail for my sisters!
But as easy as it sounds- it is really difficult. However- I don't want to see my own daughter stuck in this kind of rut- I want her to look back and say, "Mom was always there for me- but she did her own thing too...and she was good at it...And she was HAPPY!"

I'll be in Emerald Isle next week- let me know if you want to join me...I'd be happy to meet you at Rucker Johns!!! :)

schaumi said...

I'll be at Holden Beach. That is if I can get my mother to join us.

The Grunt said...

Yes you are worth it. I go through this ordeal as well. I really have had a problem neglecting myself in order to care for others. It's much better to care for others when you are in a better postition to do so. This means taking care of yourself.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Good heaven's woman! There is a TV in your bedroom! I'm, I'm, well, I'm. Yes. I am. My gast is extremely flabbered. It's not, well, proper.

luxlucisvita said...


You are a diamond....of the rarest cut....

Mayden's Voyage said...

Grunt- it is hard. It is good to recognize though that we are "givers"- and that is not a bad long as we balance our giving with receiving. I find that to be hard too- when someone wants to "give" to me- I shy away~ As if I don't deserve it- it makes me uncomfortable to be doted on in any way- and yet I know I need it.

JCN- LOL! The television in the bedroom- a mortal sin or something? What's funny about it is that it almost never gets turned on. I don't really care for TV- but when I had surgery a few years ago and had to stay in bed- it was nice to have.

What is really shocking is the stack of books I have on my side of the bed! And in the corner- and in the book case...and under the bed...LOL :)

Prism- Lux,
What a dear soul you are :)
I should write a story about 2 stones being cut for a royal ring- one an Emerald, the other a Ruby (or a Diamond- since you are a Prism!)...sister stones, separated at some point- ending up on opposite sides of the world- and their journey back to each other.

Would make a good childrens story :)

Ben said...

Cora, thank you very much for coming over and saying hello. Much appreciated!

Like your post here, too, and very much so! Makes me remember an important lesson I had to learn: About five years ago, someone pointed out to me that I was always "in time" for everyone else. And that I was always late for things I wanted to do for myself.

I began to think about the meaning of loving oneself. Quite a revelation to find out I had not done so but defined my worth by how much I was able to help others and THEIR positive reactions.

These days I more often do things just for me, including pampering myself, giving myself TIME and saying NO to others.

It has made me happier and more comfortable and ... well, if I give now, those who receive are not taking it for granted anymore.

Thank you for making me remember that! You have a wonderful sanctuary. I love it that one can see the greenery when looking straight to that window right there in the back!

luxlucisvita said...

yeeeeah!!!...write it!..write!..he!he! writing my

luxlucisvita said...

I wrote...I sent it to maydensvoyage....


Malinda777 said...

That's what we do. We are women. We are Mothers, Businesswomen, Friends, Lovers, we do it all.

I think obviously (I have the same bedroom) that you are quite happy just where you are, and have taken pride in the other areas of your house that you have made over... so what you haven't gotten to your bedroom yet.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Lux- I got it!!! Yeah!!! I have written back to you! :)

Ben- :) Thank you for your note...your words about finding worth in what other people think of me pricked my heart. More stuff to think about!

Malinda- are of course right. I am happy- and seeing things in a new light is always good- but it must move me closer to my objective- and that would be raising my family and creating a home that is safe and comfortable for all who dwell here...
The kids are growing up so fast- and I want to be a good example of a mom who knows how to take care of them- and how to take care of myself...that they will see that I thought I was worth it, so they will think THEY are worth it too!

X. Dell said...

Cora, I'm sorry I didn't make it back earlier to respond to this post. But I'm picking up a theme in your blog of caregiving.

Obviously, we all need to nurture the people closest to us in our lives. Sometimes (like the shopkeeper and his porcelain dolls) we see a single person in that role, and that role, in turn, defines that person.

The problem is that caregiving should never have defined your existence. Yet it has, in some ways. I notice how you respond to me and others on the blog, and you have the capacity to be quite nurturing. That's not a bad thing in and of itself (of course, I say that mindful that I'm personally a beneficiary of your personality).

Perhaps things could be easier for you if you looked upon yourself not as Cora, not as wife, not as mom, or aunt, or elder sibling, or blogger, but instead as a member of a sports team. I don't care how important you are to the team, the team needs you to rest, to thrive, to be happy, to be pampered, to be selfish once in a blue moon.

In other words, the team is only as strong as its weakest link. If someone gives to the point where they weaken themselves spiritually--i.e. that they can barely distinguish their own concerns from their loved ones--then the whole team loses out.

Besides, taking time out for yourself can help foster independence and responsibility in other family members. Psychologically, that's an expensive gift to give (because we really want to do this ourselves, you see). But it's a very loving gift to both your family and you.

Mayden's Voyage said...

X~ You said,
"The problem is that caregiving should never have defined your existence."

Ouch- ouch- ouch!!! Pull off the bandage quick! That stung friend!
It stings because you are right.

Kiss it an make it better! :)
I'm teasing you of course- because that is MY role (not a teaser- but the healer- to be clear!).

"Sigh" There is a bigger story behind all of this- as you can imagine. I can not go into it here. Nevertheless- no matter how the story goes, the truth is the truth...and I can either be reconciled to what you are saying- and change- or keep up the pace and peter out.

It will take time- for me to absorb the truth and the reality that goes with it.

Team player?
Are you serious? I thought I was the
Your input is always valued. Thank you :)

X. Dell said...

*kissing it to make it all feel better*

Nea said...

The pictures are lovely, but a big TV in the middle of the picture totally ruins the feel to me. The last thing I would want to see when I wake up is a TV, but then I dislike TV very has no place in my life.