Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A Personal Story, Part III

The wings moved!

Maidens eyes became as blue as a sapphire and her her pale lips and cheeks turned pink...and she smiled at the shop keeper.

The shop keeper was surprised, but not terribly so. This kind of thing had happened before. It did not always occur, but several times- and in special cases- some of the figurines he had repaired had received a voice and a new life.

Maiden whispered- almost tearfully,
“Thank you—thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for seeing me the way you did when others thought I was ready for the trash pile, and for seeing past my dirt. And thank you for making wings for me in place of those ugly scars on my back."

In the shop, there was a murmur, and a tiny wave of very quiet whispering coming from the cabinets. There was a slight flurry of activity, almost imperceptible at first- if one did not know where to look.

Maiden grew very still, but slowly she looked around, and she saw some of the figurines moving ever so slightly. There were others similar to her, with eyes like jewels, and mouths that smiled and moved. Each were whispering their own “Thank you” to the shop keeper for the way he had cared for each of them, as well as letting Maiden know she was not alone.

The shop keeper just smiled, touched Maiden gently on the forehead, and said, “You are most welcome”. He placed her back in the cabinet and sat her next to a Fairie to keep each other company. He kept working and loving the people who crossed his path, and mending the broken things that had been entrusted to him.

He had been broken once too.

******************************************************************************


This story is dedicated to Chris, a friend and minister at my church.
Several years ago, when I thought of myself as a woman with such a black mark in my past that there really was no place for me— he helped to change my perspective.

He is getting married at the end of next month. I would have married him, except I was already married at the time! LOL

Like all of us, I have been broken...scuffed, dropped, over used and discarded, and thankfully, loved and mended. This story is flawed--or perhaps it just isn't finished...the figurines do not sit in a curio cabinet forever- they have to go back out into the world at some point. I did.

I suppose we all have black marks, made wrong turns, and have ugly scars from self inflicted wounds. Nothing hurts me more than the times and places that I let myself down...the times when I could have made better choices, but didn't.
Forgiveness is easy, as long as it's not myself I'm forgiving- but I'm learning.
And I am still making mistakes! :)

Why did I share this with you? I'm not sure. It's not the best story I've ever written, it was predictable (thanks X~ lol!)...but mostly it was true. As I tried to write a letter to the "Bride To Be" (a woman I have not met yet), I had so much to say, and no way to convey all that I was thinking--I had to turn my letter into a story! :)

The best I can hope for is that one day I will be a "Shop Keeper".
Until then, I at least know how to be a friend :)

Thank you for being mine :)

7 comments:

X. Dell said...

No figurine is perfect. And if you think about it, the imperfections make them valuable. Items stamped out of the same cookie-cutter mold, although far less prone to imperfection, aren't all that special.

One of the things about eveyone is that we're taught to be ashamed of ourselves, for just about anything human. The problem becomes, how do we be ashamed for the things we should be ashemed of when shame is all we feel anyway.

I'm curious: have you ever explored that shame in another medium? I wouldn't suggest doing it here. But perhaps in a journal or diary? Some artwork, perhaps?

It's my personal belief that there's beauty in one's dark side, so long as it never (or rarely) prevails. I'd bet that's true of you.

My congratulations to your friend, Chris.

schaumi said...

Cora,

I've always felt you had a nurturing soul, I guess you would say the sould of a shopkeeper. That is something that probably has always been a part of you no matter what has happened in your life.
yes, it is always easier to forgive others before we forgive ourselves.
But we do need to learn to also forgive ourselves so we can 'let go' and heal from the inside out.

Mayden's Voyage said...

X~
Hmmm,
1) Beauty is not in perfection,

2) exploring my shame in another medium...

3) Beauty in our dark side...

I have been able to help others in similar situations to my own...had I not "walked" that path, I certainly could not have helped anyone else. There was and is great beauty in that.

However, if I had kept silent...nothing good would have come from it. Funny how the thing I feared the most, talking about it and people finding out...has brought the most healing, and in ways I never dreamed of.

I have written about this extensively in my journals. Poetry, of course...but even now, as I think back to that time...ouch. It's interesting to me how the words "shame" and "pain" almost rhyme.

My dark side, (and I am sure you really don't want to know this!) has got to be in my need for control. Not in the sense that I want (or even try) to control those around me...but controling my own out-comes...controling myself...my reactions to things.
Surrender is difficult. Just like sitting in traffic :)
There is beauty in that too...but I hadn't thought of it that way before now :)

My favorite character, in all the world, is Eowyn- in the Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately, I am really more like a hobbit! LOL

Mayden's Voyage said...

Schaumi...heal from the inside out...yes. You are quite right.
It's sad to me when I think of how fragile I was when I went into that ministers office...so sure that he would condem me. I couldn't even look him in the eye as I explained all that had happened. When I finally looked up at him, he was weeping...harder than I was. I had never felt so loved, or understood, or accepted...as I did in that moment. I am thankful that this happened when my kids were babies...it has certainly made me a better parent to my up and coming teens.
Oh dear..I do nurture those around me, and beat the heck out of myself! LOL...I promise, I am trying to be better about that :)
Thank you for your kind words :)

X. Dell said...

Now that I think of it, stories like the shopkeeper and the figurines may e a safe way of exploring the subject matter as well.

I'm all for you doing what you feel you should do. . . . in a safe enviornment. . . .at least most of the time.

I'm also happy to hear that the minister was so empathetic to you. I'll rue the day when th notions of caritas and forgiveness disappear as the fundemntal tenets of Judeo-Christianity (although thhey're well on their way to oblivion in some sects).

One of the things I admire most about you is that you personify caritas. . . . at least online:-) I've certainly derived comfort just by seeing your face and handle, not just on my own site, but anyhere.

luxlucisvita said...

you made me think of me...and how...people here probably think what a beam I am...I bet....I bet...I beeeeet...your dark side is a light compared to my...daaark siiide!!!!...not that I'm evil...but...but...I just wonder...if I tell someone...anyone....I wonder...

Valerie - Riding Solo said...

"had I not "walked" that path, I certainly could not have helped anyone else."

http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/07/why-bad-things-happen-to-you.html

I was just thinking of all the things about me that are different in a better way because my mate loved me the other day and I realize he was a healer, too.

I have not tried to think the reverse yet. Though I will.

I am a much more capable and functional adult female from just knowing him.