One of my reflections for today...and probably tomorrow ♥

(I copied this from Lux on FB :)

"The past does not equal the future. Because you may have failed a moment ago, all day today, or for the last six months,or for the last sixteen years,or for the last fifty years of your life - doesn't mean anything.

All that matters is....

what are you going to do NOW?"~ Anthony Robbins

•♥•´¯`•.¸¸.♥••♥•´¯`•.¸¸.♥••♥•´¯`•.¸¸.♥••♥•´¯`•.¸¸.♥•

a comparison-

did she take off

years?

or what?

I like the pink hair and less wrinkles...
and yet-
I am who I am-

love you the same!!!!
blonde, 41, curvy...mom of teens-
me ;)

A Day at the beach, a metaphor for life~

                                                                  (A blast from the past, but still relevant today)

Sometimes the view before our eyes...




Does not prepare us for what is looming up behind-
-
The big dark cloud crept over us, but the sun peered around it's thick edges, stretching rays of light beyond the temporary borders of the storm.

I stood in the cloud's shadow and looked up- reassured by the light, yet chilled by the winds that blew stinging sand against my exposed skin.


As with many things in life, I waited it out. I hunkered down- put up the umbrella, called the kids in close to me, and we watched the giant dark clouds sail out over the ocean until we were safe.

No thunder rolled, no lightening flashed- just the threat of a storm...and an empty threat in the end.

I'm glad I didn't scramble for the car- or run in a panic over "what might be".


--
I'm glad we stayed, and played in the waves, and found courage to stick it out- even when things looked bad...

I know- I know...this is the way to live life.
With our eyes open, with courage, and a willingness to be patient and wait.




(all of the above photos were taken during a span of 2 hours, on the Atlantic coast- north of Wilimington- summer of 2007)

The UAE

Every now and then I discover the United Arab Emirates are reading my blog...and I just can't help but wonder why.    I don't think I have any friends over there, (soldiers or otherwise), nor do I have any family working in that region...

And yet- every month or so they check in for a quick read.   (Hello- whoever you are!)

Who's the most interesting or unusual reader you've discovered on your blog? 

A trip to the Eno~

Two good friends went to the Eno today,

"Pooh and Piglett" some might say

-One had coffee, the other had tea,

And they made up stories about folks they could see.



Like the guy with his dog, lurking around,

and the dude in his van never making a sound...

Piglett said, "Sometimes I come here for an hour long walk/run

"And Pooh said, "Piglett- I should give you a gun!"



And then they both laughed- but knew Pooh was right-

It pays to be safe, both day and night.

And they each guessed about the other- a simple truth...

"My heart would be broken- if anyone hurt YOU"



Cookies eaten, cups thrown away-

It was time for a walk to the river that day-

Arm in arm, towels wrapped tight...

To the waters edge they took flight.



And just as they found the most beautiful place,

The sky sprinkled water on plants and face...

The dropplets fell faster getting everyting wet-

It was a day at the Eno I will never forget.



A day at the Eno, better than all the rest :)

October 14th, 2010

Just remembering and missing a friend today~

4 years old, going on 16!

(The blog crisis is seemingly resolved.  [Phos, I have to wonder if you aren't on to something with the hotmail v the gmail acct!]  This is a re-post from  4 years ago because J is now 8 and in 3rd grade...with as much spunk as ever.   A current post is brewing :)

Yesterday, I got to spend 2 hours with my nephews... J is 4, A is 1.

J is percocious and ambitious and likes--no loves--to demolish things, throw balls, build stuff and tear it down, ride his bike fast, be a cowboy, be a police man...you name it--I have never seen a child with so much spunk!

Anyway, he is going to pre-school this September and I asked him, "J, which school will you be going to this fall?"

He put his hands on his hips in a very grown up way and with the most serious look on his face (because, this is after all a very serious matter), he said,

"Aunt Nonna, I will be in High School!" :)


I love that monkey!

LOL!!!!

Seriously...I'm about to lose my blog...

Everytime I try to log in- there's a problem with the password or my hotmail acct info!
I might have to switch to something else :(

It makes me so sad...

But, alas, we get what we pay for!

No matter... I will figure this out- or make a better plan...or something :)

Hugs everyone :)

A hair past half-empty- (or 9/20ths full?)

It's been a long hot summer.
I've been to the coast and back several times.
I created an on-line company http://www.maydenamerica.com/  (honey and hand made items..not a damn thing imported from China!)  (although I do love the people of China ♥)
My beekeeping skills have tested my limits (not all of them, but several- :)
My kids will be 15 and 17 this Tuesday and in Novemeber (but not in that order)-
I feel old some days.  
Other days I feel like I'm 12 with an extra 30 lbs...which sucks on a bicycle.   However, I keep getting on the bicycle.
I've been married for 21 years.   Sometimes it stuns me when I say that...sometimes in a good way, sometimes it just feels shocking to me. 
I have sold 5 gallons of honey, shipped to Hollywood Fl, to California, to places all over the east coast, and the interior of the USA...one (or two) bottles at a time.   I have 4 more gallons to sell.
4 gallons of honey is a LOT of honey-
I'm reading Ayn Rand's book "The Fountainhead"- and it makes me a little nuts.   Any discussion on the topic would be appreciated.
I find myself resenting people who are passionately in love. 
New friends are self centered and greedy...and frankly they frighten me.
Old friends seem consumed by divorces, or affairs, or children with problems...
I have none of those issues-
No divorce, no affairs to speak of, and children who are dear and hard working.
I probably need to go back to work.
I definitely need to go back to work.
Or find an amazingly rich and powerful sweetheart who will take me to Greece or Hawaii and pay me to be a ghost writer for his book...???  :)
I dream in color ♥
Life is not always back and white.
In my town, less than 10 miles away, a dad did an unspeakable thing in response to financial ruin.   He "snapped", lost sight of the value of life- in the light of the burden of dollars- or the lack thereof...and the shame of bankruptcy.    The dearest things in his life became deadly.   He saw the shining lights of his soul as encompassing points of dispair, and he became broken.   His mind slipped into insanity...his 4 yr old will be burried on Tuesday.   His older children, who are well known by my children, will live with the horror and heartbreak of their fathers breakdown.    This family- cared for and well known by my friends and neighbors, will forever be remembered by his surrender to darkness.   A darkness which haunts all of us from time to time...a darkness that sanity can overcome with love and reason- if only we cling to it.

I long for the cool days of Autumn.   For happy times with friends and family.   For old friends who care only for who I am on the inside.   

We age with each passing day.    I approach my end usually with light and love...aware that each moment is precious, aware of friends with illness and loss...aware that I have the power to make each moment my own- and aware that every moment I laugh or smile or weep- is a moment to treasure- and that each life can only have so many of these moments compared to the mundane ones.  

Pehaps, afterall, I am a "hair past half full"...
11/20ths?

I think so.   The ice was playing tricks on me.

I love you all.   You know I do~

Adult sites, and Chipmunk bites...

This is what I've been reduced to...

My Stat counter shows me what keywords lead a stranger (via a search engine) to my blog.  

"Chipmunk bites, and Adult sites" are the top hits.

I've been blessed beyond words to have attracted lovely people with good hearts, people who've embraced me like they would family (or better), and they (you) always make Mayden's Voyage feel like a safe place to BE.  

However, you simply would not believe how many people have read my blog to find out what to do if one is bitten by a Chipmunk! (thousands of people! - and the quick answer is SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION ASAP!)

 Nor would you believe how many people find me because I wrote about a trip to Myrtle beach where I discovered I was smack dab in the middle of the Adult entertainment district!   (It was a sleezy part of town which I will never stay in again)

Recently I've been getting readers from all over the US, and  usually they don't leave comments (this is normal I think).   I find it interesting though that someone might spend the better part of an hour, or even a week, reading my Titanic of a blog (4 years and counting) and not say "hello".    Especially if you are a Marine...lol- PLEASE say hello :)
(actually- I welcome everyone to leave a comment :)

I'm way overdue for returning to my blog and writing here like I once did...and I've missed it.   As one friend said, "Life trumps Blog" (Chickory to X Dell), it has, but that needs to change. 

Love to all.  
Even if you came via a chipmunk chewing, or for erotica viewing...(ewwww). 
What an odd mix that is!
:)

Mr. Ocean~

He breathes deeply-
Exhaling near my heart.
I know his scent from a mile away...
He knows this, and smiles a knowing smile.

Sometimes, when I cross his path- I delay-
Waiting a whole day to let him hold me.
But he always laughs and says, "Silly girl"...
I'm the only ONE you've ever loved.

He is generous with his kisses-
He misses nothing-
Covers me in chill bumps,
Tingles me in ways I'd blush to describe.

Sometimes he's rough...too rough-
And I have to stand on the shore and scold him-
But he is who he is-
My adoration is not enough to change his tide, or mood.

And then there are days like today-
When every swell is passionate kiss-
And every wave is a tenderly placed touch.
Each caress is met with my own unfettered bliss.

I know, in my heart, I will never tame him-
I know, in my deepest places- he has tamed me.
And yet- with a joy I can not express with words---
I never tire of his embrace.

Never.
Such is love.

♥

On our day of Independence...

I find myself thankful to be an American~

And greatly Blessed to know those who have served, and served with courage and dignity.

May you indeed have a Happy Independence Day :)

"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."

 ~Erma Bombeck

(I think JL4 would have approved of this one :)  Rest in Peace friend~)

The Magic of Love Letters

(edited for length on 11-1-07)

I got one in my mailbox today...a love letter ♥ :)
When was the last time someone took a few minutes to find a pen and paper to tell you they loved you?

And Vice/Versa?

I love "love letters/notes"-





oth to write them and to get them :)


-
I have dozens (hundreds?) of letters and cards stowed away in my office and I can not bring myself to throw them out. Each are like a little treasure. Each are a gift in themselves. Each note/card marks a distinct moment or season in my life that was made richer by a person who was walking a similar path. Or felt a common bond. Or took the time to listen (which is the first step in the process of love) and found a sister, or a friend, or kindred spirit in me.

My beloved friend wrote, "You will always have a room in my heart- just for you, that no one else can fill." Those words brought tears to my eyes because I know how deeply her words are felt, and how similar things have been said by others- but simply weren't true. Or were only true for a season. I am gulity of the same.

Love letters remind us of the sand castles we built in the past, as well as show us the foundation of the fortress we reside in presently. Love letters are history in the making. Our history. Shared words reveal the complex threads of the heart and soul entwined around the mind and spirit.

Pen, paper, and love are the ingredients of magic.

A few times in my life I have been swayed by the power of words and words alone. I didn't need to meet the writer to love him or her any more deeply than I already did. Their words were enough. In my heart I feel sure that Emily Dickinson and I would be the best of friends :)


Anyway- the letter I got today in the mail came exactly when I needed it. This is of course what makes love letters magical...they know when to arrive :) Have you ever gotten a love letter at a bad time???

My goal in the coming 2 weeks is to WRITE several love letters- to people who've been on my heart- to friends I've not made time for- and to (elderly) family who check their mail everyday with a tiny hope that they will be remembered by their relations.

Love letters are about love- not about sex or steamy passion (though they can be ;). They are mostly about stolen moments, honesty, and fleeting memories of beautiful encounters...either in the past , or moments you hope for in the future.

Love letters are for kids you adore, family you don't see very often, lovers you miss, and for friends wherever they are. Love notes are about appreciation.
It's that simple...anyone you love and appreicate deserves to be told so. Spouses are included :)
-
"For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it."
- Ivan Panin
-
Here's to love- and love letters :)

Perilous Adventures and Wishes Granted~

 (aka- what I've been up to, and drinks I've made:)

This is my hive...which I opened without my gloves...and that was a mistake.

I was stung just below the knuckle,  Apparently one of my bees didn't like me much?   Ouch! 

(my hand swelled to twice the normal size)

However, I did make it to the beach....where I had strawberries and sushi on the shore :)

(but not at the same time)

Not quite Marilyn..

;)

My Grandmother came for a visit~ my dad's mom,  "Mabel"- who is such a lovely and dear person-

I'll be lucky to ever be half the lady she is ♥

--

Today I went to my Uncle's farm to pick strawberries ♥

I've made 16 cups of Jam so far!

And at last, I had a Martini!

It looks like Margaret had one too, but she didn't!  :)

I've done more, but I'm too tired to tell about it...but a garden WAS planted :)

I want...

A martini!

-
More soon~

/t- put me in a Warhol mood ♥

A blast from the past..

Created by Chickory~ (aka beloved pooch, K9, Ande :)
I'm not sure I ever published this one!

Purpose~

A Sweet cure~

"Because there is so little water in honey, microorganisms that encounter honey die as the water in them is removed by osmosis. In addition, as honey is diluted with water, a chemical reaction between glucose, water, and oxygen produces small amounts of hydrogen peroxide and gluconic acid. The slow release of hydrogen peroxide makes honey a mild antiseptic. The acidity of honey also reduces the number of organisms that can live in it. "

The other morning I was watching my bees, as I usually do for a little while everyday, and I observed several of them removing a dead comerade from the hive.   Three or four of them rolled and wiggled the deceased out to the front of the hive, and two of them (somehow) carried her body to the ground.  One bee remained with the body of the dead bee, feeling her and walking over her...performing a last rites of one sort or another(?), and then she returned to the hive.   I imagine this is something that happens quite often, due to the short life span of my little buzzing neighbors.  (I wouldn't exactly call them "friends", nor should I say they are "mine"...because bees belong to no-one but their Queen.)

Worker Bees die about every 21 to 30 days, however, this is the same anount of time (21 days) it takes for incubation.  Worker bees are all female and do all of the work in the hive.  The Drones are male and only live to mate with a Queen, and he dies soon after. 

A honey bee has a single purpose in life:  To reproduce the colony.   Everything they do, from gathering nectar and pollen, making honey, building honey comb, to laying eggs, and removing their dead...it's all for the survial of the next generation.

Is this the purose of all lesser, or non domesticated, creatures?

I use the term "non domesticated" because I was thinking of my cats, who are both fixed, and care nothing for creating a new generation of themselves.  They only want their favorite food and to be petted...and to sleep in a comfy spot on my deck chair.

However, I have seen my cats chase bugs and butterflies for sport.  Obviously they aren't hungry- they are having fun.   The same can be said of dogs, dolphins, horses, and even bears.   Though I hardly consider a bear to be a creature that can be domesticated.

I guess this train of thought comes from my own inner longing of wanting to be sure I've found my purpose, and that I am pursuing it.   I think humans generally have more than one purpose.   I think our purpose, or callings, change over time.   I know they do.   My 20's and 30's were spent caring for my children.  My 40's are very different.  At 30, with a 6 and 4 yr old, I could scarcely imagine being away from my family for a weekend, much less a week or a month.   At 40- (and beyond, I hope) this is not out of the question, and is at times a wonderful reality.

All that being said though, this morning, as I marveled at the honey bees in my back yard, I felt a little twinge of longing...

Of longing to know my purpose before it unfolds on the horizion.  Of seeing the productivity of bees, and the lounging of my cats, and knowing I was somewhere in between those 2 lifestyles.    Recognizing the beauty of my life and being thankful for what I have, yet feeling certain there is much more for me to do.

Torrential

It's a problem when I have a back log of things to purge out.   

It's an indication of my resources being used up for things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, teen-age taxi driving, party planner, Dr. appt appointee for mom, - oh...and not to mention the garden and bee-keeping.

So what?  I have a buzzy life.

However, I'm haunted by something I read years ago called, "The Tyranny of the Urgent".   This phenomenon is certainly the plague of mothers, but I suppose it's the bane of men's existence too? 

I don't know. 

There are things I know my husband wants to do but is tied down by work.  On the other hand, I see him make time for things in his life which are important and refusing to be snagged by trivial things like fixing the toilet seat (which has been wobbling for 2 weeks, I fixed it today), or tightening the handle of the oven (I asked last week, I adjusted it last night), or any number of minor (yet irritating) repairs around the house.

I suppose though, given he's had a medical issue that needed attention 6 months ago and just saw the Dr. last week about it, if he won't make time to repair himself, the house has got to come somewhere near the end of his mental list.   

The tyranny of the urgent simply means we forgo the "important" for what's pressing on us at the moment.

I imagine Doctors and Nurses in the Emergency room  have mastered this skill when assessing a patient who needs critical care.   Someone with a skull fracture and a broken leg is going to be sent for a head CT before the leg is mended...despite the patient being in tremendous pain from the broken leg.   The head injury has to be dealt with first.  

I don't really want to compare my need to write with a head injury,

but it's not much off the mark. 

To Hell with the laundry for a little while longer-

Tonight...I write!

Meant to Bee~

My hive :)

Inside the Hive~

This is just one of many things keeping me buzzzy this spring! 

I have my tomatoes planted, and one of my flower beds ready...next I'll plant

blueberry shrubs :)

I hope I get some honey this summer, but if I don't, it' ok.  This has been an amazing

learning experience so far!

 (Is Blogger changing things again???)

Hugs and love to all of you :)

Grief, and the beauty therein~

Grief is a love word.

I ran into someone yesterday who I haven't seen in over 18 years...a someone with whom I carry a sad and unresolved issue from our teens.  An issue which had life changing implications and shaped me profoundly.   We've done a marvelous job of avoiding each other, and on the rare occasion when I did see him at a distance we'd sort of nod and go our seperate ways.   I have wanted to have a long conversation with this person for some time, but neither of us were able.   Yesterday, by the queerest chance imaginable I saw him, and while I was prepared to "nod and run"- he actually called me out...and wonder of wonders- even hugged me.

For a moment I stood in front of him almost speechless.   An agonizing heartbreak of 24 years sped to the surface with the force of a missle, or projectile of some kind...black, warped, hot, and pushing forward, up out of the depths of me.   I assumed that kind of depth only existed in outer space and I was stunned to discover how that sort of space could exist in me.   I can not fully express what it was like.

We spoke in general terms, and yet at one point I saw tears in his eyes when he expressed a personal thought.  He made a confession.  He asked me to stay in touch with him.  It was like I was talking to a completely different man.   I guess time and the Marine Corp will do that to a person.   Grief changed me. A grief so deep and wide it nearly swallowed me whole- so very long ago.

In the span of 12 minutes, standing in a grocery store, a long overdue healing process had begun.  

I felt waves of grief wash over me.  Loss, hurt, suffering, guilt, shame, remorse...those things were there too, but above all was grief, but more importantly, it was a shared grief.   Suddenly the burden, the secret sack of shit I've carried for so many years alone, was lifted, and shared.  

The beauty of grief is that it's devoid of hate.  We don't grieve over things we loathe, only over the things we love.  Hate would have stunted my growth.  Hate would have made the things I suffered in vain.  Hate would have kept me silent when I needed to speak out and help others who found themselves in my same situation.   Hate would have turned on me and eaten me from the inside out.
Love allowed me to slowly recover. 
Love for myself, and inspite of myself.

Grief and love, v/s Hate and apathy-
It's good to know, after all of these years, I chose wisely.

Ode to Chickory~ "Breathless"

(Something I wrote in Nov 08 at Chickory with Ande, but was then buried under other things I've written. Glad I found it...and thankful for the reminder :)



The Sun sinks on the Autumn Ridge.
I've seen her as she exits,
Viewed from way up high on the mountain side...

Down she goes, down a western slope,

Leaving the land in coolness and shadows.

Bright yellow leaves pretend to be sunbeams-

but only for this season.

The clouds settle over us in a wispy mist.
The Sun turns her back and the dampness lays in.

My fingers grow cold and numb trying to write,
Sitting by the stream as it gurggles and gushes~ swishy and swirly.


A canopy of green, yellow, orange and red tower above us,
As splendid as any cathederal, Holy as any church.

If God is in the details- then surely He exists in this place...
In the light, colors, and sounds which fill the senses.

Steep and arduous hills are with the climb-
Walk slowly, keep breathing, struggle for the top.

Then turn to see the treasure spill out before you~

There IS a difference between being breathless from an excursion-
And being breathless from wonder.
Both have their place ♥