Saturday, September 25, 2010

A hair past half-empty- (or 9/20ths full?)

It's been a long hot summer.
I've been to the coast and back several times.
I created an on-line company  (honey and hand made items..not a damn thing imported from China!)  (although I do love the people of China ♥)
My beekeeping skills have tested my limits (not all of them, but several- :)
My kids will be 15 and 17 this Tuesday and in Novemeber (but not in that order)-
I feel old some days.  
Other days I feel like I'm 12 with an extra 30 lbs...which sucks on a bicycle.   However, I keep getting on the bicycle.
I've been married for 21 years.   Sometimes it stuns me when I say that...sometimes in a good way, sometimes it just feels shocking to me. 
I have sold 5 gallons of honey, shipped to Hollywood Fl, to California, to places all over the east coast, and the interior of the (or two) bottles at a time.   I have 4 more gallons to sell.
4 gallons of honey is a LOT of honey-
I'm reading Ayn Rand's book "The Fountainhead"- and it makes me a little nuts.   Any discussion on the topic would be appreciated.
I find myself resenting people who are passionately in love. 
New friends are self centered and greedy...and frankly they frighten me.
Old friends seem consumed by divorces, or affairs, or children with problems...
I have none of those issues-
No divorce, no affairs to speak of, and children who are dear and hard working.
I probably need to go back to work.
I definitely need to go back to work.
Or find an amazingly rich and powerful sweetheart who will take me to Greece or Hawaii and pay me to be a ghost writer for his book...???  :)
I dream in color ♥
Life is not always back and white.
In my town, less than 10 miles away, a dad did an unspeakable thing in response to financial ruin.   He "snapped", lost sight of the value of life- in the light of the burden of dollars- or the lack thereof...and the shame of bankruptcy.    The dearest things in his life became deadly.   He saw the shining lights of his soul as encompassing points of dispair, and he became broken.   His mind slipped into insanity...his 4 yr old will be burried on Tuesday.   His older children, who are well known by my children, will live with the horror and heartbreak of their fathers breakdown.    This family- cared for and well known by my friends and neighbors, will forever be remembered by his surrender to darkness.   A darkness which haunts all of us from time to time...a darkness that sanity can overcome with love and reason- if only we cling to it.

I long for the cool days of Autumn.   For happy times with friends and family.   For old friends who care only for who I am on the inside.   

We age with each passing day.    I approach my end usually with light and love...aware that each moment is precious, aware of friends with illness and loss...aware that I have the power to make each moment my own- and aware that every moment I laugh or smile or weep- is a moment to treasure- and that each life can only have so many of these moments compared to the mundane ones.  

Pehaps, afterall, I am a "hair past half full"...

I think so.   The ice was playing tricks on me.

I love you all.   You know I do~


Libby said...

what a wonderful post! i love it rambling here & there, that's the mood i'm in now!

dianne said...

Such a lovely post dear Mayden, a little bit of everything but all interesting.
Congratulations on your new business venture, both you and your bees have been busy, I hope it is a great success.
I dream in colour too though my life is a little grey at present, I wish that someone was in love with me.
Anyway you might feel old some days, you are not alone in that but you don't look old, I feel it's all a matter of attitude, keep on riding that bike it is good for you and fun.
Take care sweet Mayden, congrats. on your 21 years of marriage and having two dear and hard working children. xoxoxo ♡

Helene said...

I soooo need to call you and catch up properly. =]

. Lots in this post I relate to. How tragic about that family. I can only imagine the pain he has caused.

I have a birthday coming up and its usually around this time that I start reflecting back on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. I am thinking I need a really good psychic to help me! lol

Have a wonderful weekend and be sure to keep some of those tomato seeds for next year!!! I am beginning to collect seeds myself! =]

Hey, I will buy some of that honey. Email me the details I am interested in trying it =]


SJ said...

I love the pun in your company's name ... sweet as honey!

foam said...

i so do understand, mayden. i've been with the same man 27 years, have children aged 19 and 13 who are doing well.
i'm so sorry to hear about your neighbor. what a tragedy.

i've been to your sight. i'm real tickled for you. it's way cool to have your own on-line company.

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Good to hear you are alive and well.

Have Myelin? said...

Niceeeeee post on the kind of nice, ordinary life we all love. Except for the dad who did the unspeakable. So, so, sad....

Hmmmm....maybe I need to order me some honey. =)