Sunday, May 28, 2006
Reason, Season, or Lifetime...
People come into your life for
a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.
The lovely "Kate" at
wrote about this in early May and I have to say that before I read her post I had never thought of relationships being sorted out like that.
I suppose one reason is that if I make a friend, I have no intention of ever not being your friend. Perhaps though- if I analyzed new relationships as they were forming and picked a category for it I might not approach the relationship with the intensity that I usually do. However, this is part of my personality...to greet you warmly, make you feel welcomed, listen to you and ask questions...I am insanely curious! And equally friendly :)
Now those last 2 qualities help me connect to another person pretty quickly, and sometimes this is great, and other times it is not. Here are 2 good examples.
A few years ago my husband told me one of his co-workers from England was going to be in town and wanted to invite him to dinner at our house. To me there couldn't have been anything more irristible than to have guest from ENGLAND over for dinner! T spoke often of this man, "J", and he had been in a few of mine and T's conversations about things going on at work- so I already knew a little bit about him.
Anyway, I cooked and cleaned and made a very good dinner--a pot roast with lots of veggies slow cooked and plenty of gravy to go over those golden buttery potatoes! You would have thought the Queen was coming with the fuss I made over the house and the table and the food! LOL! Anyway, when J arrived there was no doubt that he was a special guest and I was honored to have him over for dinner.
Well, lucky me...because to this day J has turned out to be one of the most interesting and enjoyable persons I have ever met. It pains me to no end when he is in town and is unable to make it over to the house! We have to force our goodbyes when it is time for him to go! I am facsinated by his life in Europe, his views are broad and varied, he is a wonderful conversationalist, he is well read and well traveled, and is simply a person I never get tired of seeing or talking to.
Now, the other side...
I met a woman one year(don't want to be too specific), we were introduced through a friend at church. I was looking for help with something and a friend said she knew someone who could help me with my project. This lady "B" was having a difficult time and my friend thought B could use a friend/mentor (like me?). So I called B. I explained my situation and asked her if she could help...would she like to come over and have coffee, blah, blah, blah. Not the same situation as above, but I straightend up the house, made coffee and cookies...she came over. We discussed the project, she was interested, and then the bottom fell out!
Never in my life have I heard a more sorted and heartbreaking story...and it went on and on and on! I was stunned, and the longer I listened, the worse it got. Well, she had me hook, line and sinker...and for the next 6 months she nearly drained the life out of me! I can not tell you how glad I was to see that project come to an end, and see her walk out of my life. She called me nearly everyday, left message after message...It got to where I wouldn't answer the phone, and dreaded checking the answering machine.
See where my personality got me on that one???
After Kates blog I realized that I approach all my relationships as if they were "Lifetime". And then I fret (dreadfully so) when I drop the ball with a friend in "Meatspace" as X so delicately calls it! LOL :) [I like to call it my "Tangible life", but you get the point!] I can not be a Lifetime friend to everyone, but I try desperately...Why?
I'm not really sure why, but I can see that if I plan to live another 40 or 50 years I need to re-evaluate my expectations...not to change how I approach people, but to understand that the encounter will probably only last a season...and that is not a bad thing. Enjoy the season and enjoy the friend, and don't weep when the season is over--another one is coming! :)