"But, Uhhh"- she twists a strand of long hair around a finger, and in the graveled soil she kicks a pebble away with her pink Crocs...
"Why is it so hard for me to say "No"- TO ME?"
I'm faced with a difficult thing at the moment. Got a stinging realization about someone...ouch.
Yes- it really does sting- it's painful- and it only hurts because I care~
And if I didn't care...then it wouldn't hurt. Right?
Sigh- but I'm not like that. I don't seal my self/heart off to anyone- just to keep from getting injured. I never have and I hope I never will. But, perhaps this time...this time I have to hold back- tell myself "No".
The thing I've discovered was found in secret...something someone said or did and didn't think I would find out, or worse- didn't care. Oh- it's sad. I'm sad.
One of the most moving scenes I've ever watched in a movie was at the end of the most recent "Phantom of the Opera". Christine had been dead for a long time and her husband visits her grave on her birthday- only to find evidence that the Phantom was there earlier- having left a fresh rose and her ring- a token of the love he's held for her for 50 years or so.
That scene made me weep. The Phantom's love was twisted and harmful...but it was real- and it endured (and I know it was just a movie!). He kept it to himself for Christine's sake- he never again gave in to his desire to be with her...
Wonder how many times he had to tell himself "NO"?
Wonder how many times I will?
This was a silly post...but it felt good to write it down.
Hope you are having a beautiful day.
Mine has been- and I just need to let this thing go...
Bye thing!
Hugs for the rest of you :)
18 comments:
Mayden, bye "thing". That's about all we can do, right? Sometimes just writing about it helps to clear your head. Nice walks, too.
Anyway, a million hugs back to you. And I think that photo of you in this post is terrific!
Thank you Dan :)
and I've added you to my "Blogs that make me smile"-
'cause you do! :)
I agree with Dan Cora, as a matter of fact I posted a small cathartic post the other day as well..it DID feel good to write it down and publish it into the universe...it's easier for me to let things go when I put them out there.
Take care..don't be sad for too long...BIG HUGS!!
Me don't like the word NO.
Me says yes to everything it keeps me positive even when me be refusing someone. "Yes, of course me not gonna work overtime today" sounds so much better than whinging.
btw- Nice gesture from your previous post. Better to be subtle with that kind of thing. Me hope that the soldier will visit here.
articulating your boundaries is a good thing.......
often people need to be told NO.....it takes courage., it is so much easier to say yes, but it can be more costly in the long run.
Well, at least the Phantom didn't dig her up and make a chaise lounge with her bones...
Cheer up - it was only a movie!!!
hate it for you. but on the bright side no actual graves are involved. (right?!)
Mayden, I read the hurt behind the words you wrote...I wish that cyber hugs could actually help a hurting heart.
I am one of those people that give and give like you, and its hard to say no, and it hurts even more when you realize there are hurts and falsehoods also.
Oh and a P.S.
Phantom of the Opera is one of my absolute all time favorites in the entire world....*sigh*
I really, really, really would have loved to see the broadway show...but alas I missed it.
You will do it won't be easy but you'll.
Saw your blog via a friend and hope you don't mind me popping over.
I don't think it was a silly blog at all, writing it down often makes thinks better for me . Hope it worked for you, take care.
Well that's very sweet of you to link to me Mayden. I'm going to do the same right now!
Sending a redneck hug your way ... nice smile you have, the braces did the job they were suppose to do!
She, Cora only mentioned the fictional grave in Phantom of the Opera. If there is another grave involved, let's hope that it's not a shallow one.
Cora, I'll e-mail you.
I have always heart "The truth will set you free." I am having a really good day too and feel free. I have trouble saying No too.
Greg
Leelee- I read that post :) I'm ok...just coming to terms with "truth"- and I've probably done a similar thing to someone else. I'm going to let it go- but I'm also going to hold back a little. There is something positive to be said about knowing who I should (and shouldn't) invest my time in- and that's a good thing to know~ :)
Hugs back :)
Scary Monster-
I heard the gentle voice of a brother in your words, "Better to be subtle with that kind of thing"-
And yes...you are right, and thank you.
And I love your positive spin on "No"-
So, "yes" it isn't! :) LOL :)
Nea- You are so right! In the long run this will be trouble and better for me to know it now. I understand who I'm dealing with because of this situation.
Phos! LOL A boney Chaise lounge! :) You made me laugh- thank you :)
She- Remember when I asked if I could borrow that shovel? :)
LOL :)
Bar29- "hurts and falsehoods"- they are just like thorns and nettles for the heart...and sting like everything. Ouch, ouch, ouch was all I could say for about 10 minutes yesterday, but today is much better. Letting it go.
Felt the hug- my heart did anyway- thank you friend :)
SJ- I love the confidence you have in me. Next time I want you to tell me that I'm going to drop 10 pounds like it was nothing- ok? :)
Thank you :)
Queenie- Welcome, and thank you for coming by. I appreciate your words- it did help to put them down, and my journal seemed too serious a place to do that :)
Thank you Dan, but you didn't have to...you've got a ton of links! :)
And I need to update mine too.
Spongy- thank you...I got it...and I send one back. If a chick from North Carolina can't give a red-neck hug- no one can! :)
X- LOL...are you kidding? If I'm digging...it's going to be deep!
at least a foot! (lol!)
I got your note- and I'll reply tonight...and thank you :)
Greg-
I know I would enjoy knowing you in real life...thanks for the encouraging words. The truth does set us free and then we decide what to do with that truth. I'm going to accept it and move ahead.
Free indeed :)
mayden - glad you're making the voyage to O-Town on 5/27... looking forward to the Bloggaz Summit!
Hey Pete-
I'll be there :)
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