It's been a difficult year in many ways.
And a wonderful year too because of all the people I've met- or rather I should say,
"because of people I have come to love...WITHOUT meeting them!"
Meaning YOU! :) (and some I did meet...which was sweet too~)
_
I started Mayden's Voyage in January...and I took the name from a book I was trying to write. Maybe one day you'll see "Mayden's Voyage" at Barnes and Noble...but to be honest- I've kind of lost the fire for the story line.
Perhaps I should start over?
2006 was arduous for a number of reasons- not the least of which was my husbands job.
His work has kept him away from us- and when he is home- he's pretty detached.
We've been married for 17 years, together for almost 20...and honestly- we are so used to each other. Like old slippers and bathrobes...no matter how I try to dress it up...it's still a 20 yr old garment!
On the other hand- I can't see me facing each day without him~
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The monotony of monogamy is an exacting thing. It's a hidden pit in many relationships- and very few want to admit the simple truth of
"I'm just plain-old-tired of you."
Sometimes the truth is not very pretty~
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Then I read Val...and wept with her as I read about the loss of her husband. Her loss made me reconsider some things- helped me to see the depth of the void she faces- and one I will probably face in the future.
I realized the full potoential of each encounter with my spouse, family, and with others I love deeply.
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Life is short...love hard...love completely...don't hold back.
Love someone who doesn't expect it. Loves someone you don't think deserves it...
Love yourself.
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I realized this year THAT ONLY I CAN MAKE MYSELF HAPPY.
It's not hubby's responsibility, not my kids...or my friends...it's MINE.
Happiness is not something we find- it is what we choose to be- and do.
Some days I choose well, some days- not so well.
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Also-my kids are getting older and I'm left with more time on my hands (in some ways) than I've had in a long time.
I'm looking ahead at the next 5 years and realizing that my son will be getting ready for college...and my daughter right behind him.
In some ways I feel like my life is just beginning~
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It takes my breath when I consider all the mountains left for me to climb-
and places to go-
and people to see-
and countries to rule (lol:)-
and BOOKS TO WRITE!
I just about wiggle out of my skin when I think of all the possibilities before me...
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However- for now I am still "Mom" and have plenty to do for a while yet~ but I'm stretching and planning- and it's not always easy.
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Honestly- as I look back over this year- I don't know how I would have made it without some of you. Your kindness, your honesty, and your willingness to open yourselves to me has been an amazing and remarkable thing.
Some have spoken hard truths when I needed to hear them,
others were a soft shoulder to rest on when I needed comfort,
a few held my heart in their hands when it felt like no-one else wanted it,
and some of you overwhelmed me with so much joy and friendship (and art K9!)- that I felt like the luckiest woman in the world...
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And I am :)
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It has been an honor to get to know you...a very real and deep blessing that has shaped my life this year, and will no doubt shape my life in some ways in the future.
This will be my last post before Christmas- and maybe before the New Year... (ha- do you think I could go 10 days without blogging something? LOL! Probably not! :)
Anyway...I'll be around and reading up on you.
Some of you have made a permanent mark on my heart...and I wanted to take a moment and tell you what a gift you have been to me in 2006.
May you each be blessed in 2007 with the same kind of love, joy, and friendship I've been given this past year.
I send much love, hugs, and warm wishes to all of you!
Merry Christmas- and Happy New Year-
(and Happy Hanukkah Kate! :)
40 comments:
It's a privilege being a part of your world Cora.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
It sounds as if you're leaving. I don't want you to leave. Ever. I'd like to get to know you better. I'd like to stay friends.
Iamnot...and my privilege to know you :)
Little Lamb- You are so sweet...I look forward to being a better friend to *ewe* next year! :)
Merry Christmas...& leave the heels on.
the best garnments are not the spanking brand shiny new ones ... the best ones are the ones worn in all the right places ... an old coat can be a new one for someone who's seeing it an a different light ... treasure what you have ... exacting and exhausting is not having it around at all.
and ... ahhhh ... do anticipate the empty nest ... it will slam you in the gut when you least expect it. no matter how you think otherwise. when your kids leave you ... wow. it feels like your self is leaving you. plain and simple.
find happiness, cora, in your own existence ... in your own self ... trite and silly tho this may sound ... true happiness can never reside in another person ... or in anything outside oneself.
best wishes for a wonderful 2007.
see you around ...i will refrain from saying enjoy your christmas ...because i think that's the problem - people enjoy it far too much. and now its simply become meaningless and trashy.
oh well. kindest regards,
roxanne
This year, three wonderful things happened to me. In chronological order: (1) seeing my parents, my sister, my brother-in-law, my last-surviving grandparent, and my nephews, (2) meeting Enemy of the Repulbic in the flesh; and (3) meeting you and your firstborn in the flesh, and spending time with you.
That's not to say that 2006 wasn't difficult. It was very difficult for me. But you weren't part of the illness, you were the medicine.
Merry Christmas, if we don't see you until 2007.
Crash- I'll wear them, and try NOT to fall down :)
Pink- I'm not trading up or out...the label says "Til death do us part" and he means it! :)
X~ That was, I believe, one of the nicest things anyone said to me all year! Thank you friend :)
Hope we will see you in 2007! :)
My family sends their best...especially 2 of us! :)
Am honored to meet you too.
Oh I thought you were married to teh new James Bond How did I ever get that idea.
Merry Christmas to you ... there should be something landing up in your snail mail box soon :)
yes - i read a bit of what lamb read - the leaving part - sounded like your swan song at first, but it's not. just a break (if you can manage to completely pull away from the blogosphere til after the new year - hah!).
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you Cora. You have left a permanent mark on me.
flap/flap/soar!
cora-if we don't 'see' you before 2007, have a joyous Christmas, and a happy new year!!
xoxox
hey, sweat pea..
what to say at 2:30 am.
you know i've enjoyed sharing blogging space with you. and as someone who's been living with the same guy for 24 years...i understand where you are coming from..
marriages go through stages..
so, you and yours have a blessed christmas. not sure how much blogging i will do either, but we will see.
schaumi
2007 is your year if you make it your year, Cora. Time to make it happen.
heheehe you are such a dear!
You have blessed us at least as much as we have you and dont you forget that!
I love what pink reefer wrote... so true... but so hard to attain... that self fulfillment. I think people do it but you and I have been in our relationships so long that we have grown up with our mates. It makes 'self' difficult when it has always be 'us' and when the you and I in us have taken different paths and grown in different directions... it makes it really difficult. Not unfixable... just difficult. I fear what happens when my kids are out of the house too... really I FEAR it.
ok blah blah blah... its too early to get depressed... on to happier things...
hey your hair is getting LONG!!! And I just noticed that you must be left handed (you always are reaching with the camera with your left hand... hehehe)
Oh and my NY wish is that I get to really meet you this year!! =]
I got a lot out of this post. Thanks for sharing. I now have a better perspective as a result. Happy Holidays to you, FM.
SJ-
Married to Daniel Craig? LOL...I don't even wish for it- because he probably leaves his underclothes on the bathroom floor too- and that would just ruin the image I have of him! :)
I have really enjoyed getting to know you- and finding out the postal system actually works between here and India :) I will be checking my mailbox faithfully! :)
Bird- Thank you :)
Hope you have a lovely holiday- it has been a real pleasure to get to know you too~ I love your teaching stories...and the way you handle your students. They are lucky to have you :)
/t,
And YOU are one of a kind~
Stretching my tiny little mind,
...
I've learned to view art in a differnt mode-
Now I can see it in CODE! :)
...... <3 <3 <3 2 U :).....
Libby- Happy New Year to you too- and I wish you all the best in 2007 :)
Schaumi- yes...stages- and this too shall pass. We've actually done this a few times...I'm not sure if we come out of it more resolved...or just more stubborn!
LOL! :) Hope you have a fantastic
holiday and enjoy your time off :)
Grunt-
I take your words to heart...2007 will be an awesome year! :)
hey ... more of my two cents worth here.
you likely know of the separation i and my hubz endured in the spring and summer. at the root was ... having lost myself. our oldest boy will turn 21 in a few short weeks. that is a long time to be parenting with the same person. my husband and i are more 'littermates' ... siblings ... to each other than our very own siblings are. that's a powerful connection ...
but ... what i discovered in losing one child, and in having the other grow up and out of his parents's nest ... in enduring a break up in my marriage ... and then reconciling ... what i have discovered is one can never be anything to anyone unless one has oneself.
US begins with I ... and that, dear ones, i have learned the very hardest way. contrary to popular belief ... two DO NOT become one ... two become two ... connected at the most primordial and spiritual levels of existence. marriage is meant to enhance our selves ... not swallow it whole.
to find happiness, peace, contentment within oneself ... its not a luxury is or something we do when the bathtub is free (ie 'calgon take me away' ...) its something we must do to preserve our self.
the irony that ... after a year of break up and make up ... i will spent my wedding anniversary, alone, taking inventory in an auto parts store ... while my husband toils away, 2 time zones west of here ... that irony has not escaped me. its bitter ... like the taste of wine that has become vinegar.
oh well ...life goes on.
just for the record ... you have made a permanent mark on me too.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Cora.
"The Monotony of Monogamy" is a pretty catchy book title too, lol...
Lee-
you were the most fun ever- and to think I was becoming quite smitten with Cosmo! LOL!
It was the greatest laugh I've ever had!
Hope you had a wonderful holiday with your wife...and Happy New Year :)
Kate- for sure the wish will be granted...the kids and I would love to come visit for a few days this summer/ spring- and you are welcome here...
but perhaps you and I should plan some kind of a get-a-way? We'll see :)
Pug- a tiny kiss on the nose :) Happy New year- hope 2007 is a good one for you.
I'm still waiting for the story about the Bi-polar bear and the Canoodle Noodle restaurant we dreamed up months ago!
Pink- I've sent you a note...
you are in my thoughts- and you are a wise woman- in so many ways.
Peace to you friend :)
Percy!!!
HUGS!!!
I've missed you :)
Merry Christmas!!!
Where is K9???
:)
Smooch pup- where ever you are! :)
(And a hug for Freya!)
Mayden -
You are such a beauty - on the inside and outside. A rare find in this world.
Merry Christmas.
Baron-
I wonder- in all this world, who is more special than you?
Not many- my friend- not many :)
merry christmas! thanks so much for sharing your year with us.
/bark bark bark
Im back! my visit to the puppyhood ghostland is over!
Mayden, merry merry to you sweet muse! i have missed you! i wish you, and all the bloggas here, the happiest of days...now and into 2007. know that you are adored like the seed loves the sun, and that you will be in my heart and in my thoughts this Christmas.
/grrrrr
Merry Christmas to you Mayden...and thanks for the visit.
that said, the good thing about 2006 for me was the fact that I woke up each morning and took that first breath, thus knowing I could see what would happen yet another day, at least for part of it...
My wife claims my TDYs probably saved our marriage. Sometime absence does make the heart grow fonder. I do miss her a lot when we are part, even during the day. Miss the pups too…
See you ‘round the Blog and have yourself a merry little Christmas!
Sean-
Thank you for sharing part of your year with us too...glad you are home this year for Christmas :)
K9!!!!
Yeahhhhh! So good to see you!
Hugs, love, and a kiss on the nose~
Merry Christmas :) xoxoxox~
John- Welcome! I need to do some back reading on your blog- it sounds like you have an interesting story :) I'm afraid to say that I'm not as thankful for breathing as I should be- not until after an asthma attack!
I'll work on that! :)
Thanks for your visit~
TPK- Welcome to you too!
It's funny how time apart from a loved one changes the way we feel about them. I miss him when he's gone- and he drives me nuts when he's home all day.
Let's face it- I'm a pain! :) lol
Merry Christmas to you and yours- and thanks for stopping by :)
yuuuhuuu!!..It's gonna' be the eve later over here...tried posting a comment yesterday..it just flittered away..I'll write to you as soon as things settle down here...meanwhile have a great christmas...and yeah!...thaaaaanks for being a friend!!..:>>>
Luxie
Love you, friend. Merry Christmas
This post is truly a gem, with eloquence and thoughtfulness in every word! Your message rings true and resonates for me...
And you look absolutely lovely in red!
Happy New Year and Merry Christmas...
It is the first time i checked out your blog and am glad I did...It was very enjoyable to read what you write. You have a rather unique way of writting...Very interesting I have to say... I hope next year is a blast for all of us....I hope you consider me a friend and hope we keep in touch....I have to say that you find happiness where ever you find it...even in the middle of nowhere...Hope you all the happiness in the world and hope you find what you seek in life...dont we all...
Mayden-
Can I package you and have you sent to Missouri? Shhhh do not tell your hubby - you can be sent COD he would never know. Hugs back at ya. Merry Christmas.
there is much comfort drawn in the familiar. Often people who have been married for many years are so comfortable with each other they take each other for granted. It happens in all marriages to some degree. But as we grow old, there is much to be said for the familiar. Merry Christmas Cora, a lot of what you feel is just the angst of those "middle years", it will pass, eventually.
I don't know if you can imagine the surprise, when diggin' through mail t'find yer card with my eyes.
"Merry Christmas" it said with a warmth that I felt, and from out'a the blue....made m'heart melt.
And the scarf that y'sent, it almost makes me want t'say, "C'mon down cold snow, I'm ready fer ya today!"
....but not quite, 'cause I'm lovin' this odd warm spell that has upon us in Indiana fell....
But, thankful for the friendship offered and received; and knowing you and yours kind'a makes me feel relieved.
I dunno, not being a fine and fancy smart poet. I reckon I'm just glad I "met" you, and I'm sure y'already know it.
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas and hope yer dreams all come true. Even writing that book, if that's what y'really want to do.
And yer hubby, too, may his days shine along side yours. and may yer children all laugh alot, too, of course.
/bark bark bark
ho ho ho! grrr...merry christmas mayden
/grr
man, i done ate too much..
And love and kisses from me, too.
I'm late in my comments! Sorry!
Lux and Susan- love to you both!
You have both been so special to me this year...thank you :)
Firebird- thank you:) Your poetry strikes such a chord in me- I'm always amazed by the way it makes me feel...it's wonderful :)
Sugar- Welcome- thanks for commenting :)
Baron-
COD? With my luck there would be a snow storm and I'd be trapped in a box- on a mail truck for over a week! :) Hugs to you too-
I promise- if I make it to the mid-west- you will be on my list of people to "sit-a-spell" with :)
Nea-
Merry Christmas to you too :)
I have much to be thankful for- more everyday when I think about it~
Boneman-
You are one special guy-
I love the poem...
Thank you :)
K9-
Smooch pup! :)
You are one heck of a dog and I think the world of you :)
Schaumi-
The standing rib roast I made over the holiday was amazing...
and it will take me a month to walk it all off! :)
Cosmo-
I have missed you :)
Thank you for being here-
love and kisses to you :)
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