Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Problem with Blogging:

Misunderstanding

I think most people have 2 sides to them...my Pastor likes to refer to this as our "Front Stage" and a "Back Stage".

The Front Stage is what we want people to see: the polished, agreeable, friendly, somewhat spiritual, and warm persona that attracts other people to us. Or our Front Stage can be quiet and shy and reserved or even grouchy and rough, kind of a protection from people getting too close.

The Back Stage is where the maddness of producing the Front Stage takes place. The arena where we struggle with our thoughts, our insecurities, our REAL selves...the stuff we really don't want most people to know about.

I am not sure about all of points that I am going to write next, so please feel free to disagree with me (gently) or give your opinion on this matter because I really am curious...

I think that when I read some of your blogs I am getting a glimpse into your "Back Stage". I always get the feeling that I understand more about who you really are than most of the people you see everyday.

I hear you when you are having a bad day...I read the complaints you make to yourself--but you wouldn't dream of speaking them out loud to the people around you.
I read about little moments that mean more to you than if you won a million bucks. I see what you love, what you struggle with, how you process things...and mostly what I see is HOW ALIKE WE ARE!!!

And this, my friends, is what makes you special to me. If I spend time reading your blog, and replying to you, or if I send you an email...it's because I find all the qualities in you that I look for in a friend.
It is because on some level, I consider you to be a friend.

Now, it might seem crazy, but I actually talk about you to the people around me. I'll say, "One of my friends on their blog said so and so, and I thought that was a really good point, or funny, or interesting..."
I carry your thoughts and perspectives into life with me.

Now, with that being said, I have not met any of you (obviously not including my friends who read this because I bug them to!) and I have not encountered your "Front Stage".
I have to consider that not everyones Front Stage is like mine and I DO have one. Mine is outgoing, is confident, does not express much doubt, is cheerful, helpful, and is funny. It's not the opposite of my Back Stage...but it can be...sometimes I am fearful, and have tremendous doubt, and I want to be selfish to be alone at times, and I am cynical...and unforgiving, and critical too. I don't want people to know this about me! The ones I live with, they know it, but not the general public!

From what I've read about you, I FEEL like I know you...and the people who see you everyday, they FEEL like they know you...and unless the people who see you everyday read your blog, no one really knows as well as they think they do! :)

As for me, I wonder how much of my writing reveals what I think, or what I want you to think of me? I have journal...and what I write there is not for the world to see, but some of that does spill over into this blog. I wonder, if any of us met in person, how startled would we be in the difference between what we imagined and reality.

I believe the truth of the matter is that I am safe in blog world, and I think that you like me...and if I were to appear in person, my fear would be: What if you didn't like me as much?
That would be terrible! What if I didn't like you as much? How awful!

Trust me, I don't think that would happen...but I would love to read about someone who went to a blog party to meet on line friends from another state and hear how it went. Was it just like they thought it would be, or was it was just strange?
Was it fun to put accents and dialects with faces...to hear how a person conveys their thoughts as opposed to how they write them?

Ok...enough blathering on and on! Let me know what you think if you haven't gone brain dead by now! These are the questions, so you don't have to re-read anything...

1) Is it our Front Stage or Back Stage we reveal when we blog

2) Do you think you know the Real Me? Or do the people who see me
(not the ones I live with) know the real me?

3) Do you write for approval, or out of candor?

4) Have you met another blogger after reading them for a while? What was it like?

5) Have you had an incident where you have listened to a radio personality for
years and then one day SAW them...and they just weren't ANYTHING like you
imagined? (I have!!!)

Thanks for visiting and answering! :)

8 comments:

luxlucisvita said...

ello' there Mayden...thanks for the beautiful comment you left on my post..I'll be answering it in a while...I would love to answer all the questions you posted here in your bloggy as well...

When I blog...only a part of the real me is seeps through...however it is a part of me nobody around me...really sees...

Funny how sometimes..people in blogosphere can seem to be kinder than those really around...maybe because that's the way I perceive bloggy people...I love words I love it when a person can articulate himself or herself openly....in my culture people can be very reserved and in want for the right words....

And you are right...somehow I see through the words...you know..like sometimes a post may come on as funny...but I fel that the writer is actually lonely...

I try to tell my friends here about the uniqueness of the people I meet...they listen with such fascination and are at awe that I take the time to write...but my words fail to truly convey how deep and meaningful my experience of blogging has been...And to answer your question...

1. I think we reveal a part of our front stage and back stage...

2. I think I know a very deep part of the real you

3. I write out of candor...I have been trying to gain everybody's approval all my life...this is the only space where I can be...just me...

4. I have not met any other blogger...I am in Asia...I live in a relatively small country...I do not think anyone from here reads me...I hope not...this is a relatively small country...I could get tracked...and as is...I'm afraid I'm blogging incognito...my Hubz does not approve...I think it would be most interesting to meet the other bloggers....especially you...

5. radio personality?...oh' yees! hee!hee!..I though he was tall dark and handsome..hee!!hee!...only to find out he wasn't anything of thst sort at all!

And Mayden...I'm going to post a real picture of me...something that isn't shaded or altered or has one eye showing he!he!...just for you...to see the real me...!

:))

Valerie - Riding Solo said...

You get me just the way I am. I don't think we tell the people around us often enough how much they mean to us. I have most of the neices, nephews, sisters, cousins, uncles, friends and more reading my blog so they get all of the real me.

One sis just started reading I will as her your question.

and PS I don't know where you live but if I am ever that way I will meet you for coffee!

Lee said...

1) Back Stage - I find I am willing to say things on-line I probably wouldn't or couldn't live.

2) No.

3) Both probably.

4) No.

5) Yes, met some TV folk at a party. They were kind of normal.

Malinda777 said...

Nice post, and so true. I think we all write more than we would say. I also think we have "pictures" in our minds of what those we like to read might look like.

I've often thought that blind people must have an amazing insight to people. They know people for who they really are, and not what they see.

I have met online friends before, mostly normal. I've never been to a blog party...

I think I reveal some of both sides of me in my writing.

I think people around me know a different me than those who read.

I just I had more time to write and visit those I like to read.

X. Dell said...

I'm sorta in a position to see the back stage when I'm traipsing around meatspace. Posting (actually writing in general) allows you to see the front stage more often, as people can erase things before publishing. In real life, we cannot take back what we said.

I've met a few radio people, and tons of celebrities. With some exceptions, they're usually disappointments. They display cruelty (often not towards me but towards others, which, in my book, is just as bad) and pettines. They often bark orders and talk down to people.

I guess I'm seeing their back stage, huh.

Like I said, I've had some pleasant exceptions.

Gary said...

This is a terrific post. I think that people who read my blog know things about me that people who have known me for years don't know. And people who know me in person know things about me that my readers will never know. Which is the real me? I don't actually think there is actually an answer to that. I have heard in science of the concept that the perceiver changes the perception and I think that is true of people. Everything about me is relative to the person perceiving me. If he of she is ten years old, then I seem very old. If he or she is eighty, then I seem young. My point is that I really don't like to think that there is such a thing as my TRUE self, divorced from the arbirtary perceptions of other people. Am I wrong?

I have never met other bloggers on person, but I have read the blogs of several bloggers who have, and they all seem to agree that it is a lot of fun. Maybe someday I will.

Again, great post. Very thoughtful.

Mayden's Voyage said...

You guys are so great! :) Thank you for all you've had to say. There are definitely bloggers I read that try not to give away too much of themselves...but I find those places to be kind of shallow and I loose interest.
I've also noticed that the more honest I am, the more honest you are...I guess that being open could be feigned (sp?)...forged, but I don't think that is usually the case.
I know several people personally who read this blog...and I while I try not to edit what I write because they are reading it, I do think it has at least some effect on the content of what I write. For sure I wouldn't blog in too much detail about a romantic weekend with hubby...he would die of embarrasment and my sisters would probably gag!!! Ha ha ha!
As far as meeting any of you...I would go many miles out of my way to see you. I suppose at some point I will have to plan a party and pick a spot half way! :)

Prism...I was in SE Asia about 4 years ago. If I ever return, and I really think that I will someday, I promise to let you know!
It was one of the most wonderful trips I have ever taken...I fell inlove with the people and my heart is still there.

Val...I have family in Michigan, and I will let you know if/when we will be in the area :) If not for anything more than to hug your neck and tell you how often you are in my thoughts...

And Malinda, if I find myself out in Nevada, I will look you up too! :)
Just wish we could get Sean out there for a party or something! He really is a special person and I hope he keeps blogging once he arrives home.

Lee and X Dell...Australia and Atlanta? Thank you for stopping by! :)

luxlucisvita said...

whooopiiiii!!!...I'm gonna' remember this okay!!..