Sunday, February 18, 2007

Made me ache a little~

when I read this...
-
"I never knew dawn could break
With peace so deep and hope so wide,
Till that first morning when I awoke,
And you lay sleeping by my side."


-Robert Sexton


What does this make you think of?
Who does it make you think of?

Is this a reality in your life now?

I thought of a morning- over 13 years ago...
My insides were stitched up- had a "grin" that stretched from one hip to the other...the Dr. called it a C-section.
And a warm tiny bundle (ok- he was almost 9 pounds, so not that tiny! :) was snuggled next to me~

I was thinking of my son...

Who is now taller than me- and has completely lost his baby smell-
I miss that!
And I miss the magic of those moments~
of dawn breaking with a peace so deep, and hope so wide.

But I don't miss the 4 am diapers ;)

I'm ready for Spring...ready for a new season...ready to hang my coat in the closet- and sit in the sunshine.

Ready to reach beyond the emptiness of winter... and not really sure how~

27 comments:

Libby said...

cora, i'm sorry, i have to be a total smartass here, even though i loveya...
baby smell=4 am diapers??
no, this is beautiful, & brings back VERY happy memories!

Scary Monster said...

Hi Mrs.C. If there be anything like reincarnation and If me gets the choice me would like to come back as a lady Monster. The idea of creating life be very appealing to me, But me thinks me leave the early morning stuff to Me hubby.

Bird said...

for me, waking with a peace so deep and hope so wide is waking up and having it take days and days of waking up to realize, i am no longer waking up thinking of a particular someone - but am waking up thinking " the sky is so blue" or "the rain sounds staccato" or "the wind is blowing so fast" or not thinking at all, just stretching out in the warm bed.

but i am in a different phase of life. no longer puting peace and hope in who might be laying by my side (child, lover, friend), but putting peace and hope in the very fact that i wake up, happy to greet the day.

i know what you mean about children losing that baby smell. my son so smells like a man now. not the sweet boy of long ago. it's an odd thing, as his mother, to smell him now - the smell of a young, vital, man. he smells of women and weights, of hard work and testosterone. but on occassion, when he's dropped by to visit, he gives me that smile of his that belongs only to me - the first smile he ever gave anyone. it takes me back and catches my breath.

and your post has brought all the back to me.

The Phosgene Kid said...

That was nice. If you keep a baby memory book for your son I would make sure this post makes it in there.

the.red.mantissa said...

dear Cora ...
a lovely post.
i - someone who
has missed so much -
just want to tell you:
in your heart of hearts,
cherish and relish the magic
of those sweet, sweet moments;
but miss them not,
for they are there - in you.
one cannot reach for
the hope of dawn
if one hangs onto
to the emptiness of darkness.

and so the transition
from winter to spring
becomes
'plucking the blossoming dawn
from the deepest stalk
of darkness'.

this quote
made me think of ....
cherished sweet moments
with very dear ones
that are no longer here.
it did not leave me
feeling the ache of bittersweet,
but, rather exuberance -
joy that i experienced
those moments at all.

my son -
the one i have left -
just turned 21
and long ago
lost his baby smell.
but, that elusive smile
that pensive gaze
and watching the man
he has become
does, indeed,
take my breath away.

thanx for this.

LADY LUXIE said...

we are both looking forward to a new season it seems...

mine is summer....

and I'm here thinking of how to deal with this two boys of mine who currently are not getting along...gaaaawd!!!...

but you know what?...in spite of the snoogaloos' ov' me two boys..I wuv' them so'...

( and there's nothing that a pepperoni pizza won't solve!..)

huggies' to you!!

leelee said...

Cora,

The beautiful quote makes me think of 2 people...my daughter when she was born and the joy I had in the knowledge that we had created this new life...I now wake up in wonder that almost 22 years later I still wake with my love,my best friend...my husband beside me. I feel blessed.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand it. I really don't.

Mayden's Voyage said...

Libby- :) Made me laugh- thank you! They are sweet memories...

Scary Monster- I like you more each time you visit. I think- if you aren't a hubby already- you will be a very good one :)
Mine did help with the diapers and such- now he helps with Math homework! :)

Bird- I'm so glad...thank you for your reflections here- I always love to read them :)

Phos- I hadn't thought of that :)
I do have a book for him (of course)...and I'm always needing to work on it~ (and for my daughter too!)

"Mantissa"- thank you...I hear what you are saying- no regrets...
just thankfulness for all the joy in my life. You are right!
I think this cold weather is making me nuts :)

Luxie- Your summer post gave me a much needed lift! Wish- oh I really do wish- for an afternoon on one of your beaches! We would have so much fun :)

Leelee- I love that. Thank you for your words...and insights.
Year 17 has been so difficult...I hope that year 22 finds me where you are~ I really do.

Anon-
It's ok~
Sometimes what's in my heart is not reflected in eveyone elses.
You didn't miss anything...

leelee said...

Cora...WE ALL have "rough years" no doubt..I believe somewhere around 17 was rather tough for us as well...but we just kept plugging away and kept coming back to why we were together in the first place, and what we have built since then. Marriage is work, but it can be worth it..if it's right.

HUGS!!

Little Lamb said...

That is so beautiful.

Anonymous said...

actually i thought of my husband...

i just came back from spending the weekend in the mountains. it was snowing. it was beautiful. i'm not quite ready for spring....but perhaps soon. -schaumi

Baron Ectar said...

My Moonlight -

Baby smells - I never never ever miss them.

My son is creeping up on me - he told me last weekend that he would soon be taller - I told him he would never be wiser and he needed to be wise when he grew inches!

This winter is so awful - I hope the ground hog was not fibbing this year.

It will come before you know it - hang in there!

X. Dell said...

Actually, the poem reminded me of a song by Roberta Flack (written by Leonard Cohen):

I loved you in the morning,
Your kisses deep and warm,
And your hair upon the pillow
Like a sleepy golden storm.

Many loved before us.
I know that we're not new.
In city and in forest,
They loved like me and you.

Now it's come to distances.
Both of us must try.
Your eyes filled with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.


I like your association better, though.

the.red.mantissa said...

cora,

the difficult times will make the sweet ones seem sweeter. and they will teach you somethings about yourself and your marriage you don't even know you don't know.

lee lee is so right. marriage is work. each and every day. but, i cannot imagine clothing my heart and soul in any other skin than my marriage.

the.red.mantissa said...

x.dell - that is so beautiful and also a little sad.

LADY LUXIE said...

wow to what X wrote..even if a wee' melancholy...

and yeeeehah to the thought of us spending tme in the beach..hee!hee!hee!..the stories we'd tell each other..the details I'd tell you! NYA!A!A!A!...

have fun Cora..I so miss yah!

Mayden's Voyage said...

Leelee- again, thank you. Your encouragement is dear to me~

Little Lamb- I thought so too :)

Schaumi- We have a beach weekend planned- hope mine will be as lovely as your was! :)

Baron-
We both could use some warm temps- and a moonlight stroll! :)
Maybe one day our paths will cross?
:) If not- we're still under the same sky- aren't we? :)

X~
Really- that was beautiful...thank you. Made me feel warm, and sad, and lucky- all at once. Lucky- because I know you :)

Mantissa- You are right. And I think your season of being far from your beloved has given you clairity. I appreciate your sharing it here :)

Hugs to you Luxie! One day- I do think we will sit on a beach together! I would love that! :)
I miss you too :)

the.red.mantissa said...

ooooooh .... the beach. mayden - i hope you have a lovely weekend! and .... luxie - wouldn't we three have a blast on the beach?

Baron Ectar said...

My Moonlight -
I walked under that glow last night in nothing but a sweat shirt and a pair of jeans!

I see its heading your way - I am so excited for you!

Bone said...

I'm ready for spring, too. The weather and the changing of the season affects my mood and inspires me. I cannot wait for warm nights and the feeling of my toes in the sand :)

exskindiver said...

cora,
may i tell you a story?
chesca

Mayden's Voyage said...

Mantissa- :)

Baron- you are just sweet beyond words- thanks for your warm wishes! :)

Bone- me too! Just takes a few more months before that sand is warm enough! :)

Chesca- I would love that! :) Please do~

Enemy of the Republic said...

It makes me think of those nights that my son gets scared and all of us wake up in the bed, including the cat, all snuggled and warm. But our heat did go out last week.

Friend, my blog is on temporary hiatus, but I still plan on visiting when I can. I will let you know when it is up and running. I just need the break. Love you!

Bobbie Jean said...

Just stopped by your blog to say Hey....I've seen you on Baron's. We've a lot in common. I'm hopelessly devoted to my wonderful husband and totally sappy about my 3 kids. They're 17, 11, and almost 5. I have to send my oldest son to college and my youngest son to Kindergarten next year. Will I live through it? It's very doubtful. The stress/sadness is already unbearable. Totally understand all you had to say on your blog....I'm with you sister!

The Phosgene Kid said...

You want sun, come on down! Wait until next week though, it is supposed to rain this weekend!

bobbarama said...

Nice blog. I enjoyed my 'browsing time' in here. I'm sure I'll be in the neighborhood again soon. Have a great day.