I suppose we all have people close to us who have hurt us...
Friends, or family...
One of those people played on me today. Someone who has hurt me like no-one else ever has.
I can honestly say that in the whole world- there is only one person I've come very close
to hating. And even now- I will only say that I don't "hate" her- because I know that hate is wrong.
More importantly- Hate is destructive to ME- not to her. She could not care less how I feel about her.
So- she calls...and of course she leaves a message for T- she wouldn't dream of calling for me.
I have sworn that I will not EVER knowingly go any place where she is present. NEVER.
I'll probably miss a funeral for an important family member because of her...but, whatever.
So- of course, we haven't heard from her in over a year...and she calls because she wants something. Something that I have- and she thinks she can get it through T.
I was so angry today I could have split in 2.
So furious that I needed a good deal of time to myself to calm down.
She is awful. Mean. Cut-throat. Evil. A User. Wicked. Manipulative. And related by marriage.
Ahhhh- Christmas brings out the goodness in us, right???
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In the end I made a deal with T...she could have copies of the things she wanted, but not originals. It was the most that I could do...and better than being angry and loathing this woman with all my might.
T, who knows what this woman has done- all the ways she has inflicted pain- said,
"Cora, you are a good person...I hope you know that."
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I don't feel like a very good person. I feel like old wounds have been re-opened, raw flesh has been trampled on, and yet again- this pitiful excuse for a woman is fooling around in my life once more...but what can I do?
Be gracious.
Honor my husband.
Let go of my hate...
Feel the Force...
Can I be a Jedi now???
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Merry Christmas- and love to all of you.
If you want to know who the "thorn in my side is"- you'll have to email me :)
7 comments:
omg I so have a hard time seeing my sweet little southern bell being mad! lol
I have a sister in law that I feel similarly to. It was much rawer about 7 years ago when she stabbed me in the back and nearly split my husbands family apart... eventually they ALL realized what she did and how she lied. The sad part for me was that she put doubt about me in the eyes of my family. The interesting thing is that even though she was the one who lied and caused all the damage, I was the one who could forgive. She couldnt ever forgive... perhaps because the family now knows her true colors.
I was able to forgive her... certainly never forget what she did or allow her to be a part of my life again, but forgive her enough to be at Xmas eve with her... and even say hello. She will not answer me nor acknowledge me at all. She loses though because she harbors all the anger. I feel pitty towards her. (ok and some anger if I am REALLY REALLY honest hehehehe)
I think you struck a compromise and that was the 'right' thing to do. I think you should send her a horses head in the mail/// I mean ignore her and dont let her get to ya! Ohhhhh send her my way I will beat her up for ya! Lux and I we will... gang up on her for a cat fight... meow....
Love you Kate! :)
It's good I can laugh at some of this- because I don't want to be the one who hates- not ever.
But if people only knew how evil and destructive this woman was/is- well, it sounds like you totally understand.
She knew every tender place I had- and never thought twice about slicing me up. But this is what evil people do- they find the weakness- and jump in. I can not let my kids visit her- I don't trust her. I don't even like for T to talk with her on the phone- but sometimes he has to.
I'll be on the look out for a horses head :) Forget the wrath of the Godfather...look out for the Godsisters!
love it :)
hey, i just answered the phone to a longwinded friend, good friend but longwinded. will be back..
hey girl, yeah, i'm swamped too. ugh, the christmas tree is up already, though.
i'm puzzled ... because
you said "I will only say that I don't "hate" her- because I know that hate is wrong."
and, then ... you said,
"I will give her NOTHING. If she were dying- I would not help. If she were suffering- I wouldn't shoot her to ease her pain.
She is awful. Mean. Cut-throat. Evil. A User. Wicked. Manipulative."
i'm puzzled ... because you said that you don't hate her, but then you did express what seem to me hatred. just my own observation.
those are some strong words you uttered there. i am the last one to be preaching to anyone, for sure. but your hurt and angry feelings make me think of something religious. i know you will appreciate this, and that's why i'm telling you.
remember that jesus asked g-d to forgive those who put him to death. now that is an example of love that many of us will never completely succeed in emulating. but ... still, we must make the effort, mustn't we?
christmas and easter seem pretty meaningless if we don't truly get the point of love ... and also get that love isn't something we do only when it works - feels good - for us. love is also something we do when it doesn't feel good. and that is hardest of all.
remember, also, that forgiveness is like surrender. our society's media and messages indicate to us that forgiving is losing ... admitting defeat. so ... someone wronged us. ok. and it hurts like a bitch. ok. do we dwell on that hurt and anger we feel? or do we pick ourselves up from the hatred and hurt cesspool and make a concerted effort to move on, positively and with grace?
i have done a lot of soul searching and have decided with my life and family i will choose option 2. i regret that my choice is too late for my late sister, who died before i could make things right for her.
remember, then, also, that the things we say to any one person could be the very last thing we say to them. perhaps if we approached every human interaction like that ...?
as for the others of my siblings - who have inflicted what i thought at the time as unforgiveable hurts - i can love them from afar. live and let live. if i encounter them at a family function, well the room and the world is big enough for all of us. and really, family function are not all about me and how i feel (uncomfortable, to be honest) but about making our mum happy ...
we will get hurt in life. that's inevitable, mayden. how we deal with that hurt is what will make all the difference. and make no bones about it - the surrender of forgiveness may not feel great. but life isn't always about feeling great. its just about feeling. and what we do with that feeling.
sorry to be soooo long-winded and preachy. i'm just sharing with you the wisdom i gained from having been in that place you are, feeling the feelings you're feeling.
and just remember jesus entered the world humbly and without an fanfare. and so christmas should be ... no fanfare, no big fancy BS.
that's what i wish for us all this christmas. regards dear mayden. thinking of you.
love your husband. treasure him. i miss mine dearly. so dearly. realize how lucky you are to have your family there ... together.
love
the pink reefer
ps. any situation we encounter in life can be made so much easier or more difficult simply by our reaction. i have learned this time and time again, the hard way.
sorry ... i keep seeing these red flags here and there ... another one caught my eye ...
"I don't even like for T to talk with her on the phone- but sometimes he has to."
i'm assuming its his sister you're talking about here. that said, i'll just remind you that the reason i stopped talking to my sister was at my mother insistence that i demonstrate my 'loyalty' toward her (mother) by no longer speaking with my sister. i can tell you, mayden, i dearly regret that and for many years harboured much resentment. be careful here. and if i've got it wrong, then i should just mind my own business!
regards and enjoy your week.
Take two:
I guess I'm gonna have to e-mail. I'm not so curious as to who it is. But I am curious as to what this person could have done to make you so angry.
I was thinking along the same lines as Pink Reefer. Then again, you did let her have copies of whatever it was. I would have to think that you would actually help her if she needed you.
Whatever she is, and whatever the cause, I'm hoping that you can get to the more important task of enjoying the holiday season.
anniversary wishes for uncle and aunt
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