Saturday, August 01, 2009

Transient~

This is a re-post, in honor of a friend...
___________________________________________________

Recall with me, for a moment, how it feels to stand before something enormous--
Like the sea, when the beach is empty; or the sky at night full of stars over a quiet plain.

I stand- awestruck- at the vastness that I am trying to comprehend, and yet I know that I can not comprehend it. The enormity of the ocean, or sky, or mountainside, seems to fill up my being- as if these that take up so much space must claim my space as well.

My mind, especially when viewing the ocean, likes to use the word "nothing" to describe it, as in, "nothing but sand and water as far as the eye can see", but of course, it's NOT "nothing". It's actually everything, or everything at the moment. The sea is not empty, nor is the sky, nor are the mountains. And when standing before them they eclipse and absorb me too.

Is this the "something" in our life experience that prepares us for death?
When I think about death and the finality of it I have the same feelings as when I stand before the ocean...It's huge, it's enormous...it will, or can, swallow me.

I ponder death...I peer, though not too closely, because I am not able.
And even if I were able I'm still not sure I would; and what I think I can see is deceiving.
It seems tranquil and quiet, but I strongly suspect otherwise.

What I know of death is the same as what a person knows about the ocean from a photograph...or better still, what they don't know, what they can not see.
The vastness, the depth, all the huge and tiny things swimming just beneath the suface, things that one could never imagine, existing right there under the rippling blue green water.

One of my childhood friends died in 2000, she was 33.

She had battled cancer off and on since she was 12, and finally the treatment caught up with her. She passed into death, and when I saw her--in her casket-- this friend I had loved and laughed with, she was no longer there. What remained was a shell...her spirit was gone. She got caught up in the tide and was swept out, past the surf, past the big waves...way out there...where I can not reach her.

Sometimes I think of her and of all the things we learned together as children...and I wish I knew, or understood, what she knows now.

I stand at the shore and I feel so small. I stand under the midnight sky and I feel so tiny and insignificant...so transient.

Is it work, or family, or love that makes us feel more permanent and less temporary?

Or is it simply that we long for the country of our eternity...which is not here...and we will never feel as though we quite fit in because we are not supposed to?

I understand more this year about death than I ever have- and the one thing I do know is that love is greater than death and I take great comfort in that.

My love is never wasted.

It might be mis-understood, or not needed, or even unwanted...but it's never wasted. What I send out into the world, what I invest in others- comes back to me.

Death can not contain it, or stop it. I know that for certain...and I'm thankful.

_

_

You will be greatly missed JL4

12 comments:

Libby said...

cora, there's simply mothing to say here...you said so much, seemingly without trying.

leelee said...

In my moments if stillness and thought, I have found a quiet comfort in the last 24 hours..a peace I did not think I would have if this moment were to come, and yet I have it...I can't explain it, but I am thankful.

Life is truly an immortal journey into the next experience...

HUGS friend

NYD said...

That guy never pulled his punches, did he?

The one and only incredible Scary monster is saddened by his passing.

step.

Skunkfeathers said...

*Hug* as you are awash in the memory.

soandsosaid said...

Cora,
This is beautiful. Thanks again assuming the terrible job of getting a hold of me and passing the news on.

Sean

Bone said...

She got caught up in the tide and was swept out, past the surf, past the big waves...way out there...where I can not reach her.

That was just beautiful. A wonderful post and tribute. I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. *hugs*

Bad Bob said...

As far as the ocean goes, it can be a very scary place. Especially when you can't see land any more in bad weather.

Your feelings come through very well in your writing. We all share your grief and pain.

I hope you are OK.

dianne said...

So thoughtfully written from your soul and your heart...the beauty of the ocean and the sky is breathtaking and awesome.

I hope you are well fair Mayden,I'm sorry to hear of the death of your friend at such a young age.

Hugs sweet girl. xoxox ♡

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Libby- Thank you so much. I wrote this a few years ago and it seemed to resonate with my friend who just died. I felt like it would honor him to post it again now.

Leelee- Hugs to you as well. The peace you speak of has found it's way to me and I know JL4 was a man who'd rather laugh than cry- and we should follow suit. Thank you so much for staying in touch with me. The next time we talk on the phone I hope it will be for a more joyful reason~ Hugs again :)

NYD- You are right- he pulled no punches...he just laid it out there :) it was one of his more endearing qualities- lol (Is it just me, or is the Twitter thing hard to get a grasp of- or is it just too simple after being on Facebook??? I can't decide)

Skunk- thank you...that means more to me than I can express~ hugs!

Sean- you are welcome. I hope the next time we talk/email it will be for a happier reason. When are we going to get you back here in NC? :)

Bone- thank you...and thank you for being here. <3

Bob- I'm much better, but this past weekend was tough. I keep thinking about his family and how much they've lost- I wish there was more I could do from this end, but I don't know what that would be. I am keeping them in my thoughts and prayers.
You look like you've been having fun with the plane and I'm glad. I hope to get caught up with you soon :)

Diane- Hugs and thank you <3 You are a dear and I deeply appreciate your cyber hug...I felt it all the way over here <3 :)

JL4's wife said...

I have been reading everyone's blogs and comments relating to my husband. I wanted to thank all of you for you lovely words and thoughts. It is a comfort to know that Brian touched so many lives in a positive way. I know he was a great husband, dad, and grandad, but I didn't realize how many other people were affected by him. I know he liked to rant, he was very passionate about almost everything, and you definitely knew where he stood. I am glad blogging gave him the outlet to express himself to an attentive audience. I'll admit after two decades, there were times when I definetly wasn't the attentive audience. What I wouldn't give to hear him rant about something one more time. Please remember to hold onto your loved ones closely, tomorrow is not a guarantee.

leelee said...

To JL4's wife.... JL4 was a great writer..I imagine he wrote in the very same manner of who he was in "real life" with total honesty and candor. He wrote in one post "My children are my heroes" I never forgot that. Those words just said so much as to the man he was.

You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS!!

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Dear Wife of JL4~
Your words here, in such a difficult time, are a gift. I hope you know you are always welcome here, and I hope it is of some comfort that there are people thinking of you and saying prayers on your behalf in this time of deep loss.
My very best to you and your family- and thank you, with all my heart, for taking the time to reach out to us. It means more than I can say-
-Cora