Monday, September 22, 2008

Be with me...


Breathe deep- It's good to be alive. Very good.
The cool fingertips of Autumn reach out for me...
A few leaves swirl to the ground- yet the heavy resplendent green of summer hangs on.

I love this time of year, especially when I see it through my mother's eyes, blurry at times, but she takes nothing for granted. Little kindnesses I might overlook, or say "thank you" with half a heart- but not her. She notices a person's attitude and thanks them for simply being cheerful.

I made a special gift for my brother, an photo album just for him, one he can take with him when he moves to his group home. My mom wept when I showed it to her. She cried over every page and photo, every sticker, every detail...I knew she would love it, but I didn't expect her to cry. She wept silent tears that spoke more loudly than a parade of gratitude.

I can not remember the last time I wept with thankfulness. I think I'm overdue.

It seems lately the ache of too many things has crept in like a suffocating blanket. Pain has a way of making us forget to breathe, but "numbered" days remind some that each breath is special, important- and limited. Certainly we take for granted those things which seem promised to us in each tomorrow...and yet there are no such promises. This moment, whether it's full of pain and confusion, or joy and clairity, is the moment we can claim. Fortunately these moments do add up in the treasure pile of our heart, or sadly, in the trash bin. I hope for you, and for me, the treasure pile is higher than the trash pile when we come to the end of each day, but some days I know that's not the case.

I have no good reason to complain about anything. My home, my family, my freinds, my health, all are in-tact, but my spirit is wandering. It looks for music it's never heard, longs for a wine it's never tasted, yearns for a love I've never experienced, grieves over something/someone I have not met.

Tonight as I walk in the moonlight and listen to the crickets sing me a wild tune with no words- come and be with me. Tether your heart to mine- forget the things that keep us apart like time, space and distance... and just be.

Be with me.

10 comments:

foam said...

you know mayden .. today i was thinking about you ..
about you and your mother .. your family ..
i'm with you ..

Libby said...

cora, i'm so there with you...sometimes you just feel like you need something different...

SJ said...

I can't pretend to understand but i am with you always.

Skunkfeathers said...

I always find a degree of peace in the autumn of each year, all the nonsense taking place beyond the edge of my little universe.

Enjoy your piece of the peace ;)

K9 said...

i am and often. you are thought of more often than you would know since i write so infrquently, but i am definitely with YOU. xo mayden

Mayden' s Voyage said...

Foamy- Last night- late- under just the stars...I knew you were there. Thank you :) Hugs :) We are doing as well as can be expected perhaps a little better than most?

Libby- lol- needing something different...wow- yes! But what? :)
6 weeks on a private island would be just about right- but a cool mountain would work too :)

SJ- Friend- I know it, and I thank you. Tomorrow when I walk I am going to think about you- and send you a hug :)

Skunkfeathers- Hugs to you, and thank you :)

K9...my dear friend...there is no question you are here. Something of yours exists in every space that's important to me. My office, my craft room, the living room, my dressing table, and my kitchen all bear the marks of you, or something from you. You are well loved and thought of daily in this house, and not just by me :)

I am coming to Atlanta in November! :)

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Good Grief! You have been in the wars! Take my eye off you for only a few months (ok, seven) and you go down in a screaming heap. This will not do, you know!

Mayden' s Voyage said...

My dear, dear Cosmo-
I have missed you :) And your comment made me laugh- so- WELL DONE! :)
xoxo

alsublett said...

CORA - I found you again... I had lost the address to your blog.. but I found you thru Josh to Timmeh to you... I have been praying for your mom (heard thru Robin). I did not know that Your brother was going into a group home. That will certainly be both a blessing and a hardship for your mother. To relinguish control... I can not imagine. I will continue to pray for your family.

miss seeing you - it feels like years - know that you are thought of!

/t. said...

<3

tether me,
beautiful cora!

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.