Welcome 2009

A sudden light transfigures a trivial thing, a weather-vane, a wind-mill, a winnowing flail, the dust in the barn door; a moment,—and the thing has vanished, because it was pure effect; but it leaves a relish behind it, a longing that the accident may happen again.
- Walter Pater

Don't look for the "transfiguring light"- it will find you.

Don't pine away for it once it's gone because another one will come soon.

Cherish the moment and keep it in your heart.

I wish each of you a wonderful New Year- full of love, light, and joy :)

Hugs :)

Consumed~

The other night I dreamt I became a mother again~
Sitting on my bed in a quiet house, I held a tiny little boy in my arms and felt overcome with love and wonder.

In that perfect golden moment I had no worries, no fear, no doubt, not even a stray thought about what to fix for dinner. I was too enthralled, almost hypnotized, consumed by the sight, movement, and scent of the tender and gentle child in my arms.

I existed for him. He existed because of me.


We were encircled, much like a womb, with such love, need, and beauty, there was no room for anything else. No fret, trauma, or even a mild irritation could penetrate the almost tangible flow of warm energy which surrounded us.

There have been very few times in my life when my head and heart have been quiet and focused enough to simply exist for one thing, and one thing only. So few times have I been able to LIVE and breathe- IN and FOR the moment as it arrives. The dream reminded me to be aware of such moments, like now- as I'm writing- and take a deep breath as I let the rest of the world fall away...away...away.

Jumbled disgruntled thoughts push and jockey just outside the frosted glass door of my inner sanctum...much like impatient shoppers on Black Friday ready to rush in and grab, or crush, what little bit of sanity is left, but it occurs to me- I don't need to unlock those doors. Not yet anyway. I can wait.

I can BE~

I can not physically have another child.

I awoke from my beautiful dream with a tinge of sadness as I realized the baby in my thoughts was one I would never hold in my arms.

Yet, the purpose of the dream was not meant to fill me with a longing for something I can not have, it was to show me what was possible.

The dream was about making a space within the confines of my heart and mind to shelter me. To re-create a womb, if you will, where trouble, fear, anxiety, and rejection have no way in to harm me...at least not within the bounds of that sphere.

A mental form of insulation.

A place to find a breath-taking moment of joy.

A willingness to surrender my fears and pain and to be consumed by beauty, love, creativity, and goodness.

A longing to LIVE and BREATHE in more moments as they unfold.

To simply BE~

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Much like Bob must feel when he's flying, or K9 when she's painting, Prisim when she's cooking or writing, Foamy when she's sketching, /t when he's creating another masterpiece, X when he's researching...each of you have given me a glimpse inside the sphere where you find peace. Thank you.

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I'm thankful also for the dream I had of the new baby, and that he exists only in my heart and mind, and I won't have to change any diapers! :)

Run, Run Rudolph!

What do you hope to find under your Christmas tree?

(Thank you K9 :)

I have Billy's Christmas CD and listen to it every year-this is one of his best songs : )
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As much as I love Billy Idol I'm not sure I'd want to find him under my tree :) Daniel Craig is another matter entirely! lol-

Actually, the things I want this year are things no one else can give me.

I want to feel grounded again,
But not lose the ability to soar.
To sleep at night with a clear mind,
But find it a jumble of creative ideas in the morning-
and with no regrets.

To love fully, without having to apologize.
To quit pretending to love, without having to apologize.

To inhale the world,
and exhale Me...
and not who everyone wants me to be.

To be aware of the past,
but not let it dictate my future.
To create a way for tomorrow-
Which will carry me with gratitude, joy, and love in this life, and in the next.

To remember the best way to "say" I love you is to SHOW it.
To show my children no one in the world is more important to me than they are.
To exercise with all my heart, for my heart...because no one else is going to take
care of me if I don't take care of me first.

I want to listen twice as long as I speak.
I want to write 3 times longer than I speak and listen.

To find a quiet corner I can call my own. MY OWN- where no one else can invade my space without being invited.

To enjoy me being me, and enjoy you being you.


Merry Christmas, and Happy Hanukkah friends~

Just one of the things I'm thankful for this year~

Thank you for all the b-day wishes for Juli...

Enjoy this little one- it only takes a minute- and you won't be sorry you listened- He is adorable!

My Asher...(well, he's my nephew!)

13th B-day~

Precious, Darlin', Baby-girl...
I love you more than all the world...


The little child who taught me about love-

She's still my "baby"- but So grown up!


Happy Birthday Sweetheart- I love you more than mere words can express :) What a gift you are to me- and you always will be~

For years I rushed around being busy and I missed me.

~Friar Leo

"No matter what has just happened, you are free in this moment to act with positive purpose. Whether the past has worked in your favor or not, the future is yours to create as you wish.

Life is too important to waste it feeling sorry for yourself or beating yourself up. Get up and get on with life, and make it match your highest expectations. "

~Ralph Marston (motivational speaker)

"You are talented at many things"

-my fortune cookie after dinner tonight

It's been a tough day for me. One of those days when you can't put your finger on exactly what's wrong but your heart and mind are out of sorts. The truth is there are MANY things in my life which are good, and MANY things I wish were better. Things I CAN control, and things I CAN NOT control.

I very clearly remember the first time I ever read the Serenity Prayer~

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

It was on a book-mark, or a coffee mug at a truck stop/gas station we pulled into on our way to Indiana. I was probably 12 years old. My dad was taking us to visit our Grandmother and I was so excited about the quote (I've always loved good quotes) I rushed over to share it with him. His reply was, "That is stupid. I can't stand that prayer, it's so depressing."

So much for the father-daughter Hallmark moment, huh?

Anyway, his reaction confused me. I couldn't fathom how he found the quote depressing and not profound. At the time I wasn't aware of the drinking problems which plagued his family, nor was I aware this prayer is one often used by alcoholics...I just thought it was a great "life statement". It wouldn't be the first or the last time my father and I failed to see eye to eye on something.

To this day, as much as I love the quote, I never read it without recalling dad's reaction to it. His disapproval lingers over the memory like a faint shadow, and truth be told, his disapproval about some things in my life lingers over me in more ways than I'd like to admit. It is time to let this stuff go. It is time for me to look at me with my own 2 eyes, and not through the eyes of my parents, or family members, or people in the church...or anyone.

I need and want to be me, and further more, I want to LIKE that person.

The sad truth of today is I didn't like the person I saw in the mirror this morning. I can change that. The mistakes of my past, bad choices, desperate responses, ugly words, judgements, and assaults against me- those are things I can not change. Knowing the difference between the two IS wisdom. Acceptance of BOTH things is divine.

The sun has now set in my part of the world. The day is closing as I sit in my office upstairs with mug of Jasmine tea and my thoughts. Despite the poor reflection I saw this morning when I awoke, the world went out of it's way to speak life to me today, via a preacher, a speaker, and a cookie.

I didn't wake up with Serenity this morning...but she found me before the sun set, and I am grateful.

Peace to all of you~

I Thank you...

For Soldiers past, present, living, and those resting in peace...

Thank you for the way you have touched my life- in ways seen, and those unseen.



The Army Hymn

Oh, Lord of Hosts! Almighty King!
Behold the sacrifice we bring!
To every arm Thy strength impart,
Thy spirit shed through every heart.

Wake in our breasts the living fires,
The holy faith that warmed our sires;
Thy hand hath made our nation free!
To die for her is serving Thee.

Be Thou a pillar for to show
The midnight snare, the silent foe;
And when the battle thunders loud,
Still guide us in its moving cloud.

God of all Nations! Sovereign Lord!
In Thy dread Name we draw the sword,
We lift the starry flag on high,
That fills with light our stormy sky.

From treason's rent, from murder's stain,
Guard Thou its folds till peace shall reign,
Till fort and field, till shore and sea
Join our loud anthem: praise to Thee!

Election? What election? (kidding)

We each voted early. It would have been nice to have voted "often" but we resisted the temptation, unlike some we've read about...but I digress.

However, the Sun, Earth, and water could not be resisted.

It was as if the land said..."Don't despair- Look UP!"

So we did.

The stream said- "Be still- listen. Life is good"-

And it is.

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I should think about moving to the mountains : )

"Day of the Dead"- PARTY TIME!!! :)

The Altar~

Frida was definitely honored here- K9 did a beautiful job putting this together.

Is there anything K9 can't do? :)

A miniture cemetery where one could remember ones we've lost... people really enjoyed participating in this project.

Ferocious kitty Beautiful art

Christmas preview! (everyone needs one of these on their tree!)

Good friends in great costumes!

I like the effect of these faces- seeming to float above our head in the room :)

I know- you've already seen this one- but she's so cute!

Art by Diane- (the painting in the back ground is a piece K9 is working on- it will be fabulous and BIG)

Arty/pottery by Betty ( http://www.fishbonestudio.net/)

Art by Elyse

The Band! (They were SOOOOO good!!!)

Guess who? :D

Love you Dawg! :)

IF ONLY YOU WERE HERE!!!

The party in progress- at least what I can show you!!!

lol!

You have no idea how much I wissh you were here!!!!

ALL OF YOU!!!