Friday, December 19, 2008

Consumed~

The other night I dreamt I became a mother again~
Sitting on my bed in a quiet house, I held a tiny little boy in my arms and felt overcome with love and wonder.

In that perfect golden moment I had no worries, no fear, no doubt, not even a stray thought about what to fix for dinner. I was too enthralled, almost hypnotized, consumed by the sight, movement, and scent of the tender and gentle child in my arms.

I existed for him. He existed because of me.


We were encircled, much like a womb, with such love, need, and beauty, there was no room for anything else. No fret, trauma, or even a mild irritation could penetrate the almost tangible flow of warm energy which surrounded us.

There have been very few times in my life when my head and heart have been quiet and focused enough to simply exist for one thing, and one thing only. So few times have I been able to LIVE and breathe- IN and FOR the moment as it arrives. The dream reminded me to be aware of such moments, like now- as I'm writing- and take a deep breath as I let the rest of the world fall away...away...away.

Jumbled disgruntled thoughts push and jockey just outside the frosted glass door of my inner sanctum...much like impatient shoppers on Black Friday ready to rush in and grab, or crush, what little bit of sanity is left, but it occurs to me- I don't need to unlock those doors. Not yet anyway. I can wait.
I can BE~

I can not physically have another child.
I awoke from my beautiful dream with a tinge of sadness as I realized the baby in my thoughts was one I would never hold in my arms.
Yet, the purpose of the dream was not meant to fill me with a longing for something I can not have, it was to show me what was possible.

The dream was about making a space within the confines of my heart and mind to shelter me. To re-create a womb, if you will, where trouble, fear, anxiety, and rejection have no way in to harm me...at least not within the bounds of that sphere.
A mental form of insulation.
A place to find a breath-taking moment of joy.
A willingness to surrender my fears and pain and to be consumed by beauty, love, creativity, and goodness.
A longing to LIVE and BREATHE in more moments as they unfold.
To simply BE~
-
Much like Bob must feel when he's flying, or K9 when she's painting, Prisim when she's cooking or writing, Foamy when she's sketching, /t when he's creating another masterpiece, X when he's researching...each of you have given me a glimpse inside the sphere where you find peace. Thank you.
-
-
I'm thankful also for the dream I had of the new baby, and that he exists only in my heart and mind, and I won't have to change any diapers! :)

24 comments:

/t. said...

what
a perfectly apt
post for christmas (!)

<3 <3 <3

/t.

wulfine said...

i find myself in a society consumed by the irrelevant minutia of life.

my marriage has been my sanctum ... my motherhood ... my career as a nurse ... all these bits of me which i somehow needed to externalize in order to find shelter.

i have the capacity to provide myself with that shelter ... peace can come from within me ... when i stopped waiting for some external entity to quell my restless heart, i realized ...

i must try to soothe the heartbreak of watching a disease ravage the one i love by doing everything in my power to relief pain, suffering and provide an atmosphere of levity and peace. our parents will die before us. mayden, we can never change that. we must accept it will happen and make the most of each moment. those are my words for you tonight.

NYD said...

I think that is the perfect way to start a new year; with the desire to create and the belief that there is something new on the horizon.

Have a happy holiday.

foam said...

really wonderfully and beautifully written, mayden.
...may you find your peaceful inner sanctum...
merry christmas to you and your family..

Skunkfeathers said...

Merry Christmas, Mayden ;)

K9 said...

tres beautiful. in words and content. merry merry merry christmas to you friend. xoxox

SJ said...

Merry Christmas Mayden!!!

Everybody seems to be posting about dreams right now good that at least yours were happy ones :)

Gnomeself Be True said...

Last night I dreamt about not being able to get film out of a camera.
I'm not feeling the poetry urge myself.

Merry Christmas Mayden.

Libby said...

merry christmas to you & your family, cora!!

The Phosgene Kid said...

Nice post. I still search for my "happy place," but think it may be when everyone is here at the Tiny House. I love having the place filled with laughter...

leelee said...

Merry Christmas Mayden!


HUGS!

NYD said...

Merry Christmas, kiddo.

Don't spend all your time under the mistletoe.

AlmightyHeidi said...

I have felt this with my children before, thank you for taking me back to that sacred space...the one I forget to visit.

X. Dell said...

Perhaps the dream refers to another type of creative force? How's your fiction writing, lately?

Anonymous said...

I know you and your friends are memebers on this site Erica... Well guess what? Now they get to see you slutty naked ass! HAHAHAH. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Mayden' s Voyage said...

.

Anonymous said...

Well I just got a text message from my girl friend that she broke up with me! Bad news for me but great for you. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

Well my girl friend just broke up with me over email about an hour ago so thought this would be a great place to start spreding her pics like she did her legs. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

Well it turns out my girl friend of 2 years has been cheating on me for weeks. I know she and her friends hang out on this site so thought it would be the perfect place to post every last nude photo and video I have of her. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Female use of Viagra[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=http://listita.info/go.php?sid=1][b]Female use of Viagra[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/1_valentine3.png[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/link/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.html][IMG]http://imgwebsearch.com/30269/img0/buy%20viagra/3_headsex1.png[/IMG][/URL]
[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!
[b]Description[/b]

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=http://viagra.opuskali.ru]Viagra Super Active[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]Viagra Flushing
Viagra Cena Srbija
my viagra pornstar
free fonts viagra
com viagra
solatol viagra
viagra benefits
[/b]
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.

Anonymous said...

I know you and your friends are memebers on this site Erica... Well guess what? Now they get to see you slutty naked ass! HAHAHAH. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

Well I just got a text message from my girl friend that she broke up with me! Bad news for me but great for you. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

I know you and your friends are memebers on this site Erica... Well guess what? Now they get to see you slutty naked ass! HAHAHAH. Just go to http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/ Enjoy!

[url=http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/][img]http://www.gf4free.com/members/surferdude23/uploads/9.jpg[/img][/url]

Anonymous said...

It was on the newspaper when he saw the watch again. How time flies! 50 years had passed since he saw it the last time. He never stopped finding it during the 50 years. He was too old to remember too many things. However, everything about her was still engraved in his mind and never disappeared.[url=http://www.soowatch.com/replica-omega-watches.html]omega constellation[/url]
It values at $235,000. The Italian luxury watch brand Panerai was acquired by Richemont in 1997. Its watches are always in the chic and vogue styles that most Hollywood stars are fond of them. In the 2010 Watch Fair in Geneva, they launched this kind of commemorative watches Galileo above. The dial can display the time of sunrise and sunset time of the city. The limited 30 pieces released were all booked the same day.