Saturday, January 27, 2007

A "Thank you" and "Bluebirds" :)

Thank you to everyone- you left notes, emailed me, called me, and sent stuff in the mail~
I thank very much.

I stepped out of my house on Thursday morning and I was greeted by brilliant sunlight and frigid air. On this day, these two very different forces of nature seemed to be related to each other, like sisters, and both were startling.

The icy wind grabbed at my exposed face, and the sunlight scratched my eyes. The combination was almost unbearable. My mind, as if presented with a queer puzzle- kept trying to reconcile how it was possible that a place with so much light, could be so cold!

I dropped Juli off at school, and was returning home.
My mind was full...I'd turned off my CD so I could think.

I turned off the main road and into my neighborhood. I was thankful to be in the shade of the trees and out of the coruscating sunlight.
Suddenly, a few yards ahead a flurry of blue iridescent feathers flashed in the corner of my eye.

It was a Bluebird~

I don't know what image pops into your head when you hear the word "Bluebird", but it ought to give you a tingle. I often hear the whispered phrase "Bluebird of happiness", bet even that seems incorrect- or not quite right.

One of my favorite poets, Emily Dickinson, wrote:

Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
It sings the tune without the words,
And never sleeps at all."

I think that Hope is more powerful than Happiness. And I think that from now on, when I recall the bird in Emily's poem, I will see it as a Bluebird.

All my thoughts turned to the bird as it flew past me and into the trees. I was instantly joyful, hopeful, and cheerful. I told one of my friends, "I felt like God had kissed me."

Bluebird sightings and kisses don't last very long, or at least they never seem to last long enough for me :) But they're not quickly forgotten.

I usually see a few Bluebirds in the spring, but not too many in the dead of winter. No one else was around- the street was quiet...I know that Bluebird was meant for me.

Hope is eternal,
Love endures~
A Sorrowful heart,
Can be gently cured.

Walk with me,
Take my hand-
Hold me close,
Try to understand...

I fall so short,
As do you-
But we can not fail,
If we walk in Truth.

Yes- life is harsh,
And it often stings...
But there's Hope to be found
In a Bluebird's wings.

In times of struggle,
When the grind is tough-
There's a gift on the wind,
But we HAVE TO look up!

So, let's part with a kiss-
I leave mine with you,
And JOY-
In a flurry of iridescent blue~


Hugs and love to you all- and a special smooch for one, a beloved friend- and a sister :)

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

~ Time Out ~

I need to step away for a little while.
Both on Monday and today I've sat at this computer and become tearful...
over things that were said, and things that weren't said-

Over people I know- and people I don't know.
Over people I love.

Not all are bloggers...and most are friends.

Sometimes I'm a mush- I know that.
Often times- the words you share with the world hang around in my heart. Is that a bad thing?
Sometimes I pray for you...
The losses in your world are no different than the losses in my own...this is why we connect.
And yet- we are scattered.

Last night I had dinner with a friend I have not seen in years and years. We were very good freinds as children- one of our childhood group has already died. We've yet to reach 40.

Such is life~

We run and run and run. Missing the chance to say to say "I love you".

The world is full of evil things- and of things that are hard for me to understand...
but "Love"-
there's a concept I can grasp.
And yet- Love is vast...just as I think I've grasped it- grabbed a handful of it's fur, or feathers, or fluff of cloud- it grabs me and pulls me in. I'm surrounded by it on all sides...and something or someone chuckles quietly inside, "Sweetheart...did you really think you had a handle on THIS?"
I have to laugh too...silly me.'s a nice place to be, if only for a little while. Wrapped up- surrounded- insulated for just a while, before I have to return to the grind of the world.
I'll be quiet now...for as long as I can bear it.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Snowman in the South

My snowman earrings must be working~
Look who stood in my yard last friday! :)

Timothy made this...and I think he was taking snow from other yards to do it! :)

This is essentially a "Snow Hobbit", as it stood about 3 feet tall :) Maybe we'll get more, maybe not...but we try to enjoy the snow when it falls.

Sorry to all of you who are sick of it already (Baron :)

Friday, January 19, 2007

Fare-thee- well K9 :)

In honor of my beloved dog-

Let's face it- he was everyone's dog- and everybody loved him.

He'd leave me a smooch- and then I'd find him at Amy's place eating meatballs and frosty paws...and I can't even repeat what he was doing with Vanille ;)
He played with Bird, slept on Aunty's porch, and begged to sit on Lux's balcony :)

However- he did always find his way back to me~
And I was just like a kid who falls in love with a stray dog-and I wanted to say he was "mine"... but I knew he never really was-
Well, except for those 30 days after the duel!
Ahhh- yes...30 days of bliss. A few people were upset about that, but we had fun! :)
However, Love is Love...if you send it out into the world- it comes back to you 10 fold...and it has come back to me~ in many, many ways.

(PUG- I did not actually pose for this...ok? PUG! )

"Mayden in Black" /grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! :)

This picture hangs in my office- and another hangs over my dressing table~

SO...My dog or not, he occupies a corner of my heart- and I never need to look any farther than there to find him. And I like to think I'm in one corner of, perhaps he's a tiny bit mine after all :)
I suppose he belongs a tiny bit to all of us!

You know K9...
We love you-
Very, very much :)
One more smooch on the nose and a rub behind those ears :)
Be well- and I look forward to reading your comments when you stop in for a visit~
love to you dog! :)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Happy Anniversary to me!

1 year ago today I began blogging!

What a special year it has been...getting to know you...meeting X in New York...talking to Kate on the phone, and Lux on my IM. And sending some of you stuff in the mail!

This has been a joyful- wonderful experience and it continues to be for me.

For now though- I've got books to publish, stories to write, and stuff to edit,
AND letters to send...I'm not signing off, but I am going to TRY to cut back a little.

I have a special blog I'm planning for the 21st (yes- of course it's about K9!)- but I'm going to be
quiet until then (wow- 4 whole days!) LOL!

I'm also planning a Valentine surprise :)

Thank you- all of you- for sharing this blog with me...for sharing a little of my life- and letting me peek into yours :)

Some of you have touched my life and heart in ways that will always be with me-
You know who you are- and I thank you :)

Love to you :)

Early last year-------------------and this past December~

Monday, January 15, 2007

Mom- can you give me that in LATIN?

True story~

This afternoon my kids had some friends over.
The boys were playing with the PS2- and then roaming around outside looking
for whatever it is 13 year old boys go looking for. Usually a mud hole or a tree- I think :)

The girls, both 11, were upstairs playing Pirates of the Caribbean Life, and then later decided to play with a doll house set that one of them had gotten for Christmas.

I was downstairs- getting the pizza into the oven, when I heard my daughter call down to me,

"Mom- can you look up a word in Latin for me?"

I said..."WHAT?"

By this time she was coming down the stairs- and as she rounded the corner she said, "We are trying to come up with names for the characters we are playing with, and I need you to look up some words in Latin so we can decide what to name them."

I said, "Yes honey, I think I can help you."

I tried not to let her see my heart SOAR~ but I'm pretty sure the way I floated up the stairs kind of gave me away...

With one click of my computer I was linked to my "Latin Dictionary"- and we began to search to our hearts delight.
We had a blast!

We discovered that "Albus", as in Albus Dumbledore means "White"~

Alsius- means "frosty" (for her white horse)

She named her Unicorn "Adonis"

The witch was named "Morticia"

Today was one of those days when being a Mom was the coolest thing ever~
The kids all said thank you at lunch time, cleared away their mess, were well
and we all learned some Latin!

Very cool indeed :)

In your honor, Dr. King~

Did you know???

At the age of thirty-five, Martin Luther King, Jr., was the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize. When notified of his selection, he announced that he would turn over the prize money of $54,123 to the furtherance of the civil rights movement.

Sunday, January 14, 2007


It's been almost 7 months...

When I last saw Jack- he was being beaten by the Chinese...and I was traumatized. (He didn't look too good either!)

Not a week has gone by that I haven't thought of Jack...
Daniel was a nice distraction- I do admit to that, but Jack was never forgotten.

So- tonight- tonight- tonight-
We finally get to see what happened, and what's going to happen!

I can hardly wait!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Do you???

Have a "gmail" acct?

I've been testing it out- and I like has a lot of nice features-
however, I don't have any gmail addresses to add to it- and I'd like to test out the chat/IM stuff.


If you have a gmail acct- and don't mind dropping me a line-
send me a note at:

(I was born in 1969...just to be clear!!!)

I promise not to bug you too often~
Thanks- and let me know what you think of gmail- please? :)


Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Cure for Type 2 Diabetes?

I've included all 3 parts of my story in this 1 post-
but you might want to read it over a period of a few days.
It's long, but it's important--- to me anyway.
Part I

Once, when I was 17- I was in my history class and I began to feel ill.

The room swirled around me and darkness filled my peripheral vision.
Sweat began to bead on my back, neck, chest and head- making my long hair damp underneath; next- the acrid taste of bile filled the back of my throat.
I felt myself falling out of my desk...and powerless to stay in my seat, I slumped to the floor.

The captain of the football team, who was adorable and had never looked at me twice, was sitting near by and jumped up to help me. Unfortunately when I revived, I threw up on him :(
(Sorry Kemp!) He never did ask me out- and I still feel bad about what happened.

My black-outs continued, once when I was driving my car... very frightening.

Otherwise healthy and in good shape I baffled a few Dr.'s before anyone realized that I had "low blood sugar".
I went to a nutritionist, and was warned that "low blood sugar" was the predecessor of Diabetes. I recall the nutritionist telling me that peanut butter was an excellent food to ward off a low sugar attack...except that it's full of fat, and sugar...but I was willing to try anything to keep from passing out.

Diabetes has plagued my family for at least 4 generations.

And probably longer than that-
The complications of this illness has shortened the lives of my Grandmother, Great Grandmother, Great Uncles, and even found it's way into the life of my 5 year old nephew 11 years ago.

My mom was diagnosed in her early 40's and now suffers from neuropathy (nerve death) in her hands, feet, stomach, and brain. She will be 57 next month.

Part II

For the next 18 years I struggled with low blood sugar, weight gain, dieting, and the icing on the cake- giving birth to my beautiful children- which brought more havoc to my body.

Ironically the only time my blood sugar was really stable- and I lost weight- was in the first 5 months of my pregnancies. There was a clue there- but I missed it.

I ate at regular intervals. I craved protein- lots of it. Sweet things made me feel sick and I didn't want them. I also craved veggies, and salmon, and milk. I didn't completely eliminate all the starches from my diet- but I didn't want them. I also eliminated caffeine- and sodas of every kind.
I never got sick- and I lost over 20 pounds. The OB Dr. was worried, but the weight was coming off in all the right places- and I had never eaten better in my life. I gave birth to a very healthy boy- who weighed almost 9 pounds.

After his birth I went back to the old diet.
Pasta's, potatoes, bread, rice- at least 2 or more of these things were served at every dinner. High Carb, low fat...that was the way to lose weight! Everyone said so- and I did my level best to make it work.

Except it didn't work.
Nothing worked.

I tried phen/fen. Lost 30 pounds...barely eating anything- and most of those foods were carbs.
The weight returned as soon as I went off the meds.

I wanted to kill myself, I really did. Postpartum depression with baby #2 almost sent me over the edge. I was 26 years old.

The Dr. put me on Paxil- the brother of Prozac.
Soon, I quit thinking of ways to harm myself...but I also quit writing...which was very strange for me. It was as if all the flood gates had been cut off- the good ones, as well as the bad.
I had to change meds. Life returned to normal- except that my 5'1 frame was carrying about 70 pounds more than it should have.

That alone was enough to make me want to drive my car off of a bridge, however, I kept looking for a solution.


Part III

In 2005, I started reading about the Atkins diet, and the South Beach diet.
I was stunned by what I learned...about how all those carbs I had been eating were turning into sugar in my system. That sugar was causing my inuslin to spike, which would in turn force the sugar levels to drop...hence my low blood sugar.

The reason the peanut butter was an "ok" idea, was because it was full of protein, which helps the blood sugar to level out. A better choice would have been regular peanuts, or cashews, or pistachios, and of course a diet drink- not a Cherry coke to wash them down!

After realizing what I had been doing wrong for so long, I raided my pantry. I gave away, or threw out every box of pasta, hamburger helper, rices, potato dishes, bread mixes, and stuffings or dressings. My sister got most of the stuff...she is/was darn near perfect anyway! :)

I took the list of "approved foods" to the store, and bought everything that would fit into my grocery budget. We began eating alot of veggies and meat. No more "fluff" foods- fillers actually, like rice or bread. And NO more sweet tea (GASP! I'm in the South afterall!), which was hard to give up.

The headaches began right away, and they lasted for 3 weeks. The first 2 weeks were hellish.
The sugar cravings and headaches were terrible, but the books warned me that it might be tough- and to stick it out. The end result would be worth it- and I would never want to go back to sugar again when it was over. They were right.

Then the weight began to come off. Pound after pound slipped away. Next, I began walking for exercise. More weight came off. My Dr. was thrilled when I went in for my last visit- she told me I was within 15 pounds of her goal for me. My target is a little more than that- but being this close is a very good feeling...

But above and beyond everything- I've slashed my chances of getting diabetes to a very small percentage. This illness that has taken such a heavy toll on my family, Type 2 diabetes - can mostly be prevented with a low carb/low sugar diet and exercise.

I hope the cycle of Diabetes in my family- will END with me. My children have seen my struggles, and my success. I'm teaching directly, and by my example, that this illness does not have to take center stage in my life, or theirs...and it certainly does not need to be the "Life Sentence" that it has become for some.

I know this was lengthy and personal- and if you took the time to read it- then I hope it helps you...and if not you, then maybe it will help someone you love.
I'll always be on my guard against this illness- and ever striving to keep it at bay- but I think I can do it.

Sadly, I'm not sure I'll ever have a chance to make things right with Kemper...
perhaps he's forgotten???

I doubt it :)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Humours in Ayurveda

I don't usually give this kind of stuff much attention...but this one was worth a read. I'd love to know what your "Dosha" is :)

SJ might have more insight to this than I do...I hope he'll share it with us if he does :)

Your Dosha is Pitta

You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor.
You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader.
Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways.
But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical.

With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you

In love: You are picky but passionate

To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight.

From Wikepedia- about Pitta
Pitta is said to be composed of fire; it governs, "all heat, metabolism and transformation in the mind and body. It controls how we digest food (what- without fiber???) , how we metabolize our sensory perceptions, and how we discriminate between right and wrong."

Pitta must be kept in balance, too. Too much Pitta can lead to anger, criticism, acidity, ulcers, rashes and thinning hair. A balanced Pitta mind makes one a good leader with a warm personality. (Being critical is my greatest flaw- Well, that- AND having a thing for Marines :)

Pitta types are generally average physically (Yes...that would be me!).

Their skin inclines towards redness and sensitivity, sunburns easily (I cook like a lobster!) . They tend to have fine, soft, red or fair hair (though Pittas have been known to have darker hair, like golden brown.) Eyes tend to be blue, grey, hazel or amber. Their moods change slowly and they are busy people, usually achieving much in their lives. They are more intellectual (???) and speech is clear, sharp, and precise. They are fiery, angry, judgemental, ambitious and chivalrous.

The Pitta doshas' corresponding color are cool, calming colors such as blue, green, or purple. Pitta doshas' predominant sense is sight.

Ok- your turn..but .only if you want to-

I hope you do ;)

Friday, January 05, 2007

Spiked Fiber :)

Health officials everywhere say we need more fiber in our in our diets...
So- I try to eat salad- and lima beans- and all that good stuff they recommend-

I bought some Metamucil (sp?)

Have you ever tried Metamucil???
First it's gritty- then it gets applesauce.
And as I'm trying to drink it- and it just looks like orange sludge!

I've tried a few things to make it better- here is my best suggestion-

Add a shot of your favorite citrus flavored vodka to it-

(Watermelon, orange, strawberry- )

Makes a BIG difference :)

And- it is such a nice way to start the day!
(I'm kidding...the dose in the morning is vodka free- the one in the evening is spiked- well, only sometimes!)

But when I'm old...and have no where to go except to wander out to my deck and look at the lake-all my old friends will come over for breakfast at my house-

And we will all say "Cheers" to to more fiber in our diet...


Tuesday, January 02, 2007


"What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."
- Crowfoot, (1811-1890)
a Native American warrior of the Blackfoot tribe.

I found this quote today- at a blog I like to visit. I should have linked Dean way before now...sorry Dean!

Anyway- I guess I'm pondering where the time goes.
Perhps the REAL question is, where does life go?

Behind us- stretched out forever like the highway in a rearview mirror, and before us...vast and expansive like the ocean or the desert.

If we were outside of time and space, as some think we will be one day, things would look differently to us.
Grief would not have the stonghold it now posesses.

Love would be grander- because, as I think about it, love is the one thing that will endure...will flourish~
I also think that love is planted while we live, and while we reap the benefits of love as we are living- I suspect the greater harvest comes even later.

I'm not sure how to explain this...except to say that at the ripe old age of 37 (stop laughing!)- I planted seeds long ago in the past- that bear a greater crop today than I ever imagined possible.
What if I hadn't taken the time to get to know that person? What if I hadn't apologized? What am I missing out on because I was an ass sometimes?


The planting time is short.
The harvest, good or ill, is lasting. Love endures, and so does emptiness.

The flash of a firefly is beautiful and quick, but can be seen from quite a distance.
And if given a choice- I'd rather lose myself in a sunset than disappear into the dark.

Here's to life...and to love...and friends...and to not being an ass whenever possible.


Monday, January 01, 2007

Anyone notice?

That this is the year of

2 007


It's going to be a GREAT year!!!