BOOBS: for sex or food?

The brew-haha over the Breast Feeding mom on Time Magazine didn't disgust me, or make me proud, or even surprise me all that much.  My split-second initial reaction was "Why does a 6 yr old have his mouth on that woman's boob, and why is he standing in a preschool chair?   Next, as my eyes drifted to the title "Are You Mom Enough",I felt a tiny urge to slap the 105 lb woman whose posture and look seemed quizzical and defiant.   I myself, being a well endowed woman, could feed an entire nation of small babies with just ONE boob if I thought it would have made a difference*, but sure as hell I'd have cut the kindergartners OFF!   (Otherwise, this leads me to thinking of the awkward conversation I'd have with the Kindergarten teacher about Johnny's feeding schedule and making sure he drinks ALL of his pumped human milk at lunch time,...blech!)

 The loud and mixed public reaction surprised me more than anything.   The above photo was TACKY.  However, just about anything I walk past on the news stand/magazine isle is TACKY.   People have lost their common sense, which of course explains anything about TV programs involving Housewives with more money and mascara than they know what to do with.  This also explains Coco. On a public beach in Miami.  Seriously.

Later when I discovered the little boy in the TIME  photo was only 3 (almost 4, but tall for his age?), I started thinking about the creepy moms who put lipstick and fake eyelashes and press-on nails on their little girls and put them on stage at the tender age of 3.    How would you like to be nursing this precious little face plastered with Maybeline and Cover Girl?   I've never tried to get lipstick off my nipple before.  (Wait, there was that one time, but NO children were involved!)

I breastfed both my kids, and I did it as privately as possible.  To me it was an intimate time of caring for my children in a way that only I could.   In that phase of my life I did think of situations and times when a mothers milk was all a child needed to be nourished, and she did so for as long as nature intended.   Weaning usually happens when a child develops teeth and wants something more solid than milk.   Baby birds learn to fly, baby cows move on to hay and grass, human children move on to cheerios, cheese puffs and mountain dew.

I don't blame a mom and dad for wanting to hold on to their babies for as long as they can...because they indeed grow up SO fast.  I agree with families and Dr.s who think kids are pushed to grow up quickly and are over involved in a myriad of things to keep them busy...mostly because parents are afraid they aren't good enough at parenting to begin with.   The TIME magazine article didn't help much, well, except for their bottom line I'm sure.

We live in an insane time.  I wear more clothing when I take a shower than Coco wears on a public (and non nude) beach.   Kids on Toddlers and Tiaras wear more make up in one photo shoot than I wear all year.   And if I ever figure out what a "Snookie" is and how it got pregnant, then you'll know I've been kidnapped and chained to a tv and forced at gun point to watch damn Yankees ruin their livers.

Breast feeding, like reading a good book, or kissing your favorite someone, is a pastime a person can do anywhere, but not something we should demand the rest of the world to take part in, or insist they watch, or take tacky photos of to sell magazines in the name of "public discourse".    Furthermore, asking the ridiculous question "Are You Mom Enough" is only going to drive flaming arrows and razor blades into the hearts of mothers who desperately wonder every day if what they do is enough, and are they doing it right, and how screwed up will their kids be when they really do make a mess of things.  

As for the lame ass loser moms who don't give a shit and never think twice about rum in the mountain dew to make their 6wk old baby sleep through the night, this article has no effect.   And their boobs, trust me, are only used for making more babies, not feeding them.

Maybe I should write an article for TIME  which exposes the truth about boobs... which are good for both sex, AND food.

 BUT I doubt though anyone would read it :)  It would be full of common sense, and thus boring.  


*breast size has NOTHING to do with the amount of milk a woman can produce.   It was a joke.   But I do  "look" like I could feed a nation of hungry babies

**post edited after re-reading and editing.   Who knows how great a 3rd draft might be!   (my mantra to my kids...always WRITE something 3 times....always.)