Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Welcome 2009

A sudden light transfigures a trivial thing, a weather-vane, a wind-mill, a winnowing flail, the dust in the barn door; a moment,—and the thing has vanished, because it was pure effect; but it leaves a relish behind it, a longing that the accident may happen again.
- Walter Pater

Don't look for the "transfiguring light"- it will find you.

Don't pine away for it once it's gone because another one will come soon.

Cherish the moment and keep it in your heart.

I wish each of you a wonderful New Year- full of love, light, and joy :)
Hugs :)

Friday, December 19, 2008


The other night I dreamt I became a mother again~
Sitting on my bed in a quiet house, I held a tiny little boy in my arms and felt overcome with love and wonder.

In that perfect golden moment I had no worries, no fear, no doubt, not even a stray thought about what to fix for dinner. I was too enthralled, almost hypnotized, consumed by the sight, movement, and scent of the tender and gentle child in my arms.

I existed for him. He existed because of me.

We were encircled, much like a womb, with such love, need, and beauty, there was no room for anything else. No fret, trauma, or even a mild irritation could penetrate the almost tangible flow of warm energy which surrounded us.

There have been very few times in my life when my head and heart have been quiet and focused enough to simply exist for one thing, and one thing only. So few times have I been able to LIVE and breathe- IN and FOR the moment as it arrives. The dream reminded me to be aware of such moments, like now- as I'm writing- and take a deep breath as I let the rest of the world fall away...away...away.

Jumbled disgruntled thoughts push and jockey just outside the frosted glass door of my inner sanctum...much like impatient shoppers on Black Friday ready to rush in and grab, or crush, what little bit of sanity is left, but it occurs to me- I don't need to unlock those doors. Not yet anyway. I can wait.
I can BE~

I can not physically have another child.
I awoke from my beautiful dream with a tinge of sadness as I realized the baby in my thoughts was one I would never hold in my arms.
Yet, the purpose of the dream was not meant to fill me with a longing for something I can not have, it was to show me what was possible.

The dream was about making a space within the confines of my heart and mind to shelter me. To re-create a womb, if you will, where trouble, fear, anxiety, and rejection have no way in to harm least not within the bounds of that sphere.
A mental form of insulation.
A place to find a breath-taking moment of joy.
A willingness to surrender my fears and pain and to be consumed by beauty, love, creativity, and goodness.
A longing to LIVE and BREATHE in more moments as they unfold.
To simply BE~
Much like Bob must feel when he's flying, or K9 when she's painting, Prisim when she's cooking or writing, Foamy when she's sketching, /t when he's creating another masterpiece, X when he's researching...each of you have given me a glimpse inside the sphere where you find peace. Thank you.
I'm thankful also for the dream I had of the new baby, and that he exists only in my heart and mind, and I won't have to change any diapers! :)

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Run, Run Rudolph!

What do you hope to find under your Christmas tree?
(Thank you K9 :)

I have Billy's Christmas CD and listen to it every year-this is one of his best songs : )


As much as I love Billy Idol I'm not sure I'd want to find him under my tree :) Daniel Craig is another matter entirely! lol-

Actually, the things I want this year are things no one else can give me.

I want to feel grounded again,
But not lose the ability to soar.
To sleep at night with a clear mind,
But find it a jumble of creative ideas in the morning-
and with no regrets.

To love fully, without having to apologize.
To quit pretending to love, without having to apologize.

To inhale the world,
and exhale Me...
and not who everyone wants me to be.

To be aware of the past,
but not let it dictate my future.
To create a way for tomorrow-
Which will carry me with gratitude, joy, and love in this life, and in the next.

To remember the best way to "say" I love you is to SHOW it.
To show my children no one in the world is more important to me than they are.
To exercise with all my heart, for my heart...because no one else is going to take
care of me if I don't take care of me first.

I want to listen twice as long as I speak.
I want to write 3 times longer than I speak and listen.

To find a quiet corner I can call my own. MY OWN- where no one else can invade my space without being invited.

To enjoy me being me, and enjoy you being you.

Merry Christmas, and Happy Hanukkah friends~