The other night I dreamt I became a mother again~
Sitting on my bed in a quiet house, I held a tiny little boy in my arms and felt overcome with love and wonder.
In that perfect golden moment I had no worries, no fear, no doubt, not even a stray thought about what to fix for dinner. I was too enthralled, almost hypnotized, consumed by the sight, movement, and scent of the tender and gentle child in my arms.
I existed for him. He existed because of me.
We were encircled, much like a womb, with such love, need, and beauty, there was no room for anything else. No fret, trauma, or even a mild irritation could penetrate the almost tangible flow of warm energy which surrounded us.
There have been very few times in my life when my head and heart have been quiet and focused enough to simply exist for one thing, and one thing only. So few times have I been able to LIVE and breathe- IN and FOR the moment as it arrives. The dream reminded me to be aware of such moments, like now- as I'm writing- and take a deep breath as I let the rest of the world fall away...away...away.
Jumbled disgruntled thoughts push and jockey just outside the frosted glass door of my inner sanctum...much like impatient shoppers on Black Friday ready to rush in and grab, or crush, what little bit of sanity is left, but it occurs to me- I don't need to unlock those doors. Not yet anyway. I can wait.
I can BE~
I can not physically have another child.
I awoke from my beautiful dream with a tinge of sadness as I realized the baby in my thoughts was one I would never hold in my arms.
Yet, the purpose of the dream was not meant to fill me with a longing for something I can not have, it was to show me what was possible.
The dream was about making a space within the confines of my heart and mind to shelter me. To re-create a womb, if you will, where trouble, fear, anxiety, and rejection have no way in to harm me...at least not within the bounds of that sphere.
A mental form of insulation
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A place to find a breath-taking moment of joy.
A willingness to surrender my fears and pain and to be consumed by beauty, love, creativity, and goodness.
A longing to LIVE and BREATHE in more moments as they unfold.
To simply BE~
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Much like Bob must feel when he's flying, or K9 when she's painting, Prisim when she's cooking or writing, Foamy when she's sketching, /t when he's creating another masterpiece, X when he's researching...each of you have given me a glimpse inside the sphere where you find peace. Thank you.
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I'm thankful also for the dream I had of the new baby, and that he exists only in my heart and mind, and I won't have to change any diapers! :)
