Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Reflections on my Mom...

This is a re-post from several years ago.   Mom passed away last night, she was 63.  I will miss her dearly-

My mom has been ill, and is now in the hospital.   For the last 3 years, in addition to caring for our families, my sisters and I have been taking care of the lady who brought us into the world...
She is not well.

Last week as I stood at her kitchen sink and washed her dishes I discovered 2 knives she had bought many years ago in her marriage to my dad.    The knife distributor was a door to door salesman who had "everlasting" blades in his bag, and he was selling top quality cutlery which "would last her a lifetime".   It donned on me, as I stood there, in mom's government subsidized apartment, these knives were all she had to show for her 38 year marriage.   My sister reminded me that "I" was also something to show for all those years.   Sigh.   I felt tears in my eyes.   Somehow, the 6 of us didn't, or couldn't, quite validate the importance of the woman who was sick and dying before our very eyes.

She is better, but things are changing.    Unlike my beloved Foamy, I can't move mom in with us and give her all the physical and medical attention she deserves.   Her needs are great and beyond my skill.   She understands and accepts this fact.

As I move through this period of grief, and it is grief- even though she is still here, I lose a small part of her every day...I want to write about the things she has said and done which imparted wisdom, laughter, and joy to me from my early years until the present.   Even yesterday she made me laugh!

She is allergic to percocet, and she said, "It makes me itch like a monkey with a flea!"
LMAO!
I know you do not KNOW my mom, but that is one of the funniest things she's ever said to me!    And I have seen her itch on percocet...so maybe that's part of why the phrase is so funny :)

When my Grandmother (mom's mom) saw me for the first time as a baby, Grandma said she saw a halo around MY head.    She told my mom I was special.   Before last night I had NEVER heard that story.     I'm not sure my Grandmother or my mom were/are right- because I have certainly made a TON of mistakes and bad choices...but my mom swears the story is true.    I am NOT an angel.   I am ONLY holy if Jesus has made me so, and I feel very far from all those things these days.

Eternal life has less value to me than this present life, and forgive me if I sound like a doubter...because I am not.   I do believe in God, and I think He has a special place for souls like that of my mother.   I feel certain life exists beyond this dim plane- and people I have loved deeply have made it clear to me their love still exists for me- and is extended to me, despite being in a form I can no longer hug or touch.    LOVE is an ENERGY.    Period.   Figure out what ENERGY is and can do and you will understand what I mean.

My mom used to sing nursery rhymes to us as a kid...one was "Sam, Sam, the garbage man- washed his face with a frying pan, brushed his teeth with a monkeys tail, and died with a toothache---in his..heel"

she always paused before saying the word "heel"- knowing full well we'd think that didn't quite rhyme...

???"Died with a toothache- and went to hell...."???

Our Dentists ALWAYS said we had the BEST TEETH!

I so love my mom.

More soon :)












9 comments:

hari said...

Moms are the best creations in this world! This post is so touching!

Roxanne/tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

Moms are special. Watching aging and illness slowly take the most important person in our lives is one of the most difficult experiences we will have as humans. Wishing you a wonderful holiday.

Skunkfeathers said...

The beauty of what you wrote here needs no addition. *Hug*.

foam said...

I so know what you are going through.
many hugs and kisses to you!
And btw, you still have a halo .. :-) ..

Susan said...

Friend, I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much or reading. I know what you are going through--I faced this with my mom. You, however, already have that inner wisdom that I lacked when I saw what happened to her. God bless you.

/t. said...

best wishes
to you and yours,
lovely mayden, & speedy
return to health to your mom <3

MERRIEST CHRISTMAS, DEAR

× × ×

/t.

X. Dell said...

(1) The song is also known as "Old Dan Tucker"...in case you want to look it up.

To this day, I can't understand how someone has a toothache in his heel, unless someone bit him on the foot.

(2) According to the doctrine of original sin, we're all kinda born with devil's horns, in a way. It's what we do with the sum of our life that makes one an angel, or not. At that point, the mistakes don't count.

Perhaps your grandma was simply predicting your future.

(3) Dealing with your mom's illness sounds very difficult, and I'm certain that the worry, the slow loss (the long goodbye) is, in itself, stressful. And that's after undergoing another loss so soon.

I am thankful that you and T have each other, and that you have your family, and that they have you. I have faith that you will come through this. But I wish there were something we could do to take the edge off the pain while you're healing.

Bad Bob said...

I understand completely. My mom had been on a steady decline for two years, and finally passed last Christmas day.
It's tough even though it was expected. I am fortunate that it was expected unlike my dad. You get to do things and say things as you can instead of putting them off for later. You can appreciate the time now as you know there is a limit even if we do not know when that is.

Bad Bob said...

I understand completely. My mom had been on a steady decline for two years, and finally passed last Christmas day.
It's tough even though it was expected. I am fortunate that it was expected unlike my dad. You get to do things and say things as you can instead of putting them off for later. You can appreciate the time now as you know there is a limit even if we do not know when that is.