Even though I stand in the shadow and watch him go- it's a big step for me too. The divide between being a mothering parent, and a mother of a soon to be adult is a gulf that starts out small- and widens, like a stream that turns into a river. At some point the gap becomes to wide to cross back over (and this is how it should be)...but there is some amount of grief experienced in the process. I feel it now. I felt it when he took his first step, and when he went to kindergarten...and more intensely at this moment in time. I know the ache will reach a peak, and then subside, but I'm not there yet. I assume I'll have several more years of this "letting go"- and when the time is right- I will simply be at peace over who he is and what he will become in the world. I have done my best (and still doing!), and I hope it is enough.
The exteneded family situation continues to become more painful and complicated. This too shall pass- and I see glimmers of hope on the horizon, and also a season of loss and change. My brother will be moved into a group home this fall, and while this is best for him, it will be very difficult for my mom. This is simply a year of transition, on many fronts- and at times I am simply overwhelmed by what the future holds. To say that things are complicated is a major understatement.
My trip with my friend H to Orlando was a wonderful gift, and I hope to see her in my neck of the woods later this month as she makes her way north to a new/old life. Most of June will be busy, but July and August are still open. If any of you plan a trip to NC- I'd love to see you- or meet you part way if we can work it out.
I'm not disappearing- but I will be below the radar for most of the summer.
I thought I would do a "farewell" video for my blog, but I can't find the $#^&%!! camera! (I'm blonde...I lost it- sorry!) I'm not giving up just yet- so if you see a video post, then you know I found the bleeping camera. (ok- I found the one without sound! lol)
For now, I leave you with a beloved poem- which carries within it the sense of adventure and joy I want to leave with you, even though a departure of sorts is the reason for the poem. Be well. I will come and visit...I will leave you love notes.
I miss you- and some of you I love dearly- more than I'll ever know how to tell you.
I will be back- for now I say "fare thee well" :)
FAREWELL TO THE FARM
(Robert Louis Stevenson)
The coach is at the door at last;
The eager children, mounting fast
And kissing hands, in chorus sing:
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
To house and garden, field and lawn,
The meadow-gates we swung upon,
To pump and stable, tree and swing,
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
And fare you well for evermore,
O ladder at the hayloft door,
O hayloft where the cobwebs cling,
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
Crack goes the whip, and off we go;
The trees and houses smaller grow;
Last, round the woody turn we swing:
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
