Love wants to find the thing that is tactile. Love wants what it can put it's heart, and hands, and lips on. It wants warm flesh, and a knowing smile, and soft sheets, passion, and laughter when all is said and done.
According to Dante-
The effects of love are enumerated as "such":
* Reciprocal abiding - together by choice
* Mutua Inhaesio- mutual indwelling
* Of lover and beloved together
* a transplant- "out of the self into the other"
* ardent cherishing of each other- with zeal (was Dante a woman or what?)
* a melting- liquefaction- so that the heart is unfrozen and open to be entered
* a longing in absence
* heat in pursuit- fervor
* AND enjoyment in presence..fruitito
Then...what of fear?
And honestly, this is where I have fallen short...fallen short of fear because there was never any need- and yet, now there is.
"Without the discipline of service and obedience, fear remains formal and does not spread over the whole known reality of existence."
As a kid I knew all too well if mom or dad threatened corporal punishment it would come surely and swiftly. I abided by my word out of the fear of what they would do to me if I lied. Being untruthful was a magnificent sin in my little world.
Once I expanded beyond my little world- I realised that lies were something people did every day- with no remorse- and no consequences.
Yet- as I age- I fall back into the undeniable value of trust, and truth, and being who I say I am. Even if I admit to being faulty, or broken, or blonde (flighty) at times.
In this moment I am alone. There is no one to call (with more authority than me) if I end up in a rough place. My kids, my siblings- my friends, all still look to me. I am Mom, and the Eldest, and a pillar to most people who know me.
In love...what I long for and want to offer- is shelter.
Not necessarily a place to lay your head (though that would be fine)- but a place to lay your heart. A place, like a manger, where the most important being in the world (to me) can rest his sleepy head.
And wake up feeling new- and strong- and awesome.
Mostly because my Love found it's union- and my wisdom could attest to my loves finding.
-CRB
9-26-15
