My name, Cora, means Maiden, and we are all on a journey-hence "Mayden's Voyage" I am a writer, mom, sister, daughter, and friend. I've been a blogger since 2006 and have met the most amazing people in the world because of it. "What you say- IS what will happen." I am a firm believer in the power of words...both my own and yours. ♥
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Be with me...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Just you, Just me-
It's just you.
No matter the illusions held...
Of family, lover, friends, and perhaps Angels-
It's just you.
Kids sleeping in their beds.
Spouse snoring on his side as a migrane of 5 days eases- at last...
Alone in your office, on the computer or with a journal-
And you realize-
It's just you.
You only have you- where ever you go.
"Tis nothing more sacred than the santicity of one's own mind"-
Indeed- Tis true.
Because in the sum total of our thoughts and moments-
All you have is you.
The love and relationships we have are real.
They fortify us in times of need, soothe us in times of loss-
But in the still small part of the silent night,
Our heart beats...each breath repeats-
Things and people fall away-
All I have is me.
Do I love me?
Can I look at this mid-worn body and find comfort in it?
Upon close inspection of my wandering heart... will I be shocked?
Like a smoker seeing an image of his tar filled lungs-
Will this pumping vessel of love show signs of mis-use and dis-repair?
I think so.
But it's My broken heart...the only heart I have.
Held by duty and responsibility-
Anchored by a love that can not be expressed with words-
but only seen in the eyes of my children,
I ponder what it all means...in the still small dark of the silent night-
That all I have is me, and that all you have is you-
And yet, somehow, we are all in this together.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Life and death...choices and regrets, part I of II
I''m sorry I left you all hanging!
While my arm is much better I think there might be some nerve endings in need of further recovery- it remains tender, but fully functional. I'm cool as long as I don't bump the elbow, or lean on it. I will go see an ortho Dr. if it's not completely better by next week. (and honestly, what a metaphore for my life at the moment!!! WOW!)
The thoughts swirling around in my head are like long strands of pasta in a tangled sticky mess. One thought slips into another, loops around, intersects with yet another idea, and this makes it hard for me to pull out one thought- one fact- or one point I feel I need to make. (and not necessarily a point I need to make for you- dear readers- but mostly for my own sake!)
Olive oil is what I usually drizzle on my spaghetti to get the kinks out, and I suppose writing is the equivalent of what's needed here? Let's hope so :)
My mom said something on Tuesday that shook me, and it wasn't "what" she said, as much as it was the "way" she said it. She made an off-hand comment to a nurse who was caring for her with such a tone of finality and regret that I almost wept.
"I always wanted to live at the beach~"
I know it doesn't sound like much, but knowing my mom as I do, I know this was a dream she's always had. I know now she also thinks she will die in this city. My heart ached for her, but the ache quickly turned into an alarm for myself. I wondered if one day I would have similar resignations and regret?
I've yet to cross very many significant points in my life where I know there is "no going back."
The biggest thing I've done which can not be undone was having my tubes tied. I knew after my daughter was born I had brought all the life into the world I could handle. That's not to say I've never had moments of regret about not being able to have another baby...but I knew it was the right choice for me. I marvel at friends in their mid 30's to early 40's who are just now beginning their families, while I'm sending mine to high shcool and talking about colleges.
However, this place...THIS CITY I live in- is the city I've lived in for as long as I can remember. It's not a bad place, but it's NOT the town I want to die in. For years I have wanted to live elsewhere, but because of the community, and the kids schools, work, and church, I've found reasons to stay put. As my ties here lessen (unless I decide to run for a public office), my reasons for being here become fewer and fewer. If I decide at some point I want to live at the beach, I promise you- I will move to the beach! (or as close to it as I can afford :)
I'm even entertaining the idea of renting a place for a year and taking mom there (as long as we have a dialysis center- we're good!) so she can "live" at the beach, if only for a little while.
We'll see-
There are more noodles to unthread- but for now I'll stop and post.
I hope to have a laid back blogger weekend where I'll get to each of your pages and leave pithy comments- and I'll try to do it before I mix up the Mojitos...or not! lol~
Have a safe weekend if you are in the path of a hurricane or tropical storm- and I look forward to reading all of you soon :)
***K9- thank you for your last comment. My sister was fussing at me yesterday for not continuing to be on the PTA- and for not trying to upstage the local Mayor! LOL :)
My next post will cover some hot topics, but hopefuly with all the grace and care I can muster.
Hugs friend :)
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Down, But Not Out
OUCH!
Lucky for me I got my hair done on SATURDAY and this was the result! lol
I can't complain! I hope I didn't actually break anything, but time will tell.I've also written poetry about not feeling "beautiful", and started a story about a Captain who ventures into dangerous territory for a short term gain- at the risk of losing a big investment.
Perhaps one day I'll post it when it't ready...
For now- I lay low.
Hugs everyone- BIG hugs. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend!
-me :)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Faces of China
Places to shop for clothes and such in a villiage like this are miles and miles away. Hand-me-downs are the norm.Washing machines are not.
Schooling is handled by the elder women in the village and the children roam around in packs during free time. I saw little individual attention given to the kids but they seemed to be happy and thriving in their little groups. I'm positive if one child was harmed, or cried out in real pain, 15 people would have stepped away from their tasks to check on the one who was hurt.
I was allowed a rare glimpse into a Muslim Mosque, and an even rarer glimpse of a young boy who was there with his father.
Only the unmarried women in this village were allowed to wear colorful clothes. Once married, the ladies have to settle for something more plain, like brown, or black, or gray.

This was the only disabled person I saw during my trip in China, and while this young man suffers from Down Syndrome, he seemed well fed and cared for. He was in the mountains
If he had been born in a major city, or perhaps born in a hospital, I don't know if he would have survived. Children who are born blind, or deaf, are considered a drain on the "community" and sent away to underfunded and inadequate schools. It's easy to understand (with that mindset) the sacrifice of mentally handicapped children for the greater good (this is NOT my opinion however). 
Tried to hold this little guy- but he wanted nothing to do with me, except he was interested in my camera :)

The coming generation in China has a lot to face. The children stand on the shore of the enlightening electronic age as it rushes towards them- with a government of guns and brain washing techniques standing firmly behind them while trying to control the tide. 50 years ago the people of China could be subdued by their government with torture, threats, and the manipulation of the media, but I think it becomes less effective each year as computers and the internet become more widely available. Even so, I realize the Chinese government greatly limits the information coming into, and going out of, the country. 
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Me, the river, and Lord Byron...
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Proactive vs Reactive
Having kids will grant you experiences like that-
Like the time my son had a collision with a telephone pole while riding his bike...his forhead split open and needed 57 stitches to close him back up. For a while, as I held him-bleeding- in my arms waiting for the ambulance- I had a few moments when I was unsure if he would live or die.
Those are moments that age you.
There was another time when my daughter was bitten by a Brown Recluse spider when she was 6 (and weighed only 40 lbs)- and it took me several hours to feel confident the blister on her hand was related to the fever and vomiting.
She was such a tiny little thing, limp and hot in my arms as we carried her into the emergency room...my heart ached over every minute we had to wait for a Dr. to call her back. I watched the poisonous red line travel from her wrist towards her elbow while we waited...praying that an IV and antibiodics would be administered in time. Little did I know then she would require surgery and a 3 day stay at the hospital- but she was a trooper and recovered beautifully, except for a rational fear of spiders she has to this day.
Both of these events happened over Mother's Day weekends- 2 years apart, and in both cases I wasn't paralyzed by fear-- I was motivated by it- as to whether or not my heart stopped, that was irrelevant...I had to take care of my children.
In a crisis there is always something that can be done- even if all you are doing is praying your way through it. Taking a proactive stance is often better than simply reacting. Thinking is proactive. Asking for help is proactive. Listening to advice is proactive. Being STILL and quiet is proactive.
To this day I don't "spook" easily, but from time to time it does happen. Every now and then I am reminded that I am not made of steel, but of flesh and blood with a host of faults that make me vulnerable. I trust easily, love quickly, connect with compassion, and I'm often bewildered by the sometimes ugly nature of humans...but if these are my flaws- then my strenghts are defined by a strong backbone, and unwillingness to surrender without a fight, and a faith that good will prevail in my life.
And "good" does not mean "easy"- rather it's often the opposite. "Good" means work, it means thinking and asking for help when I face something difficult, it means listening, and it means being still and quiet.
I'm here, being quiet while I face a difficult issue (a few actually). Thinking about an action plan, asking for help, and being a good listener. I'm sorry that I had to "blip out" without much warning but I did what I thought I needed to do.
Thank you to those of you who were concerned and sent me a note...and for those of you who were just wishing me well and sending good vibes my way. I felt it :)
Sunday, July 27, 2008
8 things~
Just 8???
I've been published locally many times, and in one book internationally. (via another author and I was credited)...but seeing my own book with only my name on display at Barnes and Noble or Books-a-Million is near the top of my list of things I want to do/see before I exit.
I'd even be happy to find one of my books in a bargain bin at the grocery store in a few years :)
I am in awe of whales and I want to see them in the wild~ I want to be on a ship and take photos of them. Then I want to go to New Zealand and swim with the Beluga whales...the white ones. Or at least be on a tiny boat and get close to them. I love whales- love, love, love whales.
I'd also like to go to Alaska during a Salmon run and watch the bears fish. I'd also like to join them (at a safe distance) for dinner, but I will be grilling my Salmon over an open fire- they can have theirs raw.
I want to live overseas for an extended period of time. Actually- I'd like to do this in the Philippines, South Korea, Taiwan, Ireland, and perhaps Japan for 3 to 6 months at a time either teaching English, a craft, or writing. Spending a few months in Wyoming writing in a lovely cabin in the woods (much closer to home) would be wonderful too, however, I don't think I have any blogging friends from Wyoming. Not yet anyway :) Obviously I don't need a blogging friend to make this happen, but it would be nice if one were close by.
Be my ideal body weight.
sigh- why is this one so hard? Not a single day goes by that I don't think about it (understatement)...not one single day- in the last 13 years. I am getting there- but it's slow.
To be on my own for a while, before I'm too old. I have never lived alone- ever.
Being alone in my house is blissful. I think part of my desire to travel stems from often being in a crowd. For as long as I can remember there's always been a group of people close by- mostly family. Being part of a large family is a blessing, no doubt, but room to grow and think without being questioned or unobserved is rare for me, even today. Perhaps it is a good thing? I only know there are times when I crave solitude with every cell of my body. I rarely find it for more than a few hours at a time.
One more...just one more? There are hundreds of things yet I want to do.
Hold a great grandchild- one named Cora? :)
Have a house by the lake, go see the Galapagos Islands, go on a cruise (anywhere)- tour the Mayan ruins, go back to China for a little while-maybe go back to school???
I think I'd better stay alive for a long time! :)
Ruela said I had to tag 8 of you- but I will leave the challenge open to anyone who wants to play along. Let me know if you decide to do it~
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Courage and Gratitude~
As I reflected on this powerful attribute I recognized 2 things- 1) your thoughts and words gave me confidence, and 2) you assured me of the strength I already have within.
Immediately I was grateful and began to think heavily on all the things in my life I am thankful for; and I had never noticed how much courage it takes to be truly and utterly grateful.
I would even go so far to say that it's nearly impossible to be thankful without courage.
Think about it for a moment...
About people you know who are never satisfied, never at peace, either worried about the future, or angry at the past. They might be passionate in their anger and able to face difficult things, but it's NOT with courage and gratitude they make things happen- rather it's with force and bitterness, or selfishness.
I looked up the word "Courage"- the definition is at the bottom of the post...I found something remarkable in Latin that spoke directly to me. It was originally spelled "CORAge" :) - be sure to read all of the definition. I hope it will speak to you too.
---- Gratitude---
"Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways are kept in POVERTY by their lack of Gratitude"
-Wallace Wattles
My deck and backyard look like a tropical garden- and the lounge chair covered in towels is where I sit in the sun and marvel at how blessed I am to live here and have this view everyday.
Spa's are nice...but this place is good for my soul.
-A tropical storm is brewing off the coast of NC- and it will breeze right past us. My beloved children are at the coast with their grandmother for 2 more weeks. My mother in law is a blessing. My kids are fabulous, smart, funny, wonderful, healthy, and did I mention they are away for the next 2 weeks? :)
2 whole weeks of me getting to be me? Not mom, not chef, not taxi driver, not appointment maker, reminder, and taker? Wow...this is big. Anybody want to go to beach? Anybody want to go anywhere with me? lol!
-
I know it's silly- but I love my girly socks. Love them. Love them even more with a tan! :)
-More stuff to be thankful for-
Friends who love you and miss you and call you or send you email- (which is a whole bunch of you ;)
Family- especially the ones who walk alongside you on a difficult path, and the ones who make the path difficult. There's room to be thankful for all of them, even the ones who give you heart-ache, because those are the ones who teach you how NOT to be~
A BEST friend who knows everything about you- keeps your secrets- and loves you- inspite of you. My life would be sad and difficult without you Chris. One day- we may have our chance to make the biggest scandal this town has ever seen- until then, we can dream about it :) lol!
The good and dear friends of my children who have blessed my life- in so many many ways. (yes Josh- and Anna...I am talking about you :)
Airconditioning and fans
Hot English breakfast tea!
Sunshine
Rain- and having enough of it to keep the lakes full
Thunderstorms
Cookouts
Brie and good wine
Passionate kisses
The laws of attraction and expectation
The ache of watching a friend move away- it reminds us how deeply we love
Life- for it's complexities, endurance, it's fragility, it's flavor, sting, surprises, and how it's more than just breathing and moving...
Love- "Ditto" what I said about life.
And while I feel my gratitude list could go on and on (the ocean, trees, birds, DOGS :), books, microwaves, email, digital cameras, my car! etc)
I'm so very thankful for things that have a deeper meaning- a secret message if you will, one that speaks to you and you alone. Something in your home, or within your posession that reminds of an important event or person in your life. Something that whispers to your heart that no one else can hear. Something that gives you courage...and something that makes you grateful.
Courage:
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Running
Mom will probably start dialysis in the fall.
75% of patients who start dialysis over the age of 50 only live about 5 years : (
Mom is 58.
I am 39~
Old enough to understand what I'm facing- and young enough to want to run. As if that would solve anything.
My kids are great, and with the exception of my father- my family loves me. Sometimes life throws tough stuff at us...
We head into the waterfall and hope for the best. Either we will drown on the way down, or we come out swimming in muddy water.
Muddy Water- yeah...it is.
Her rear-view mirror reflecting pain,
The house, good kids, and those 3 darn cats-
But Sting blared in the speakers, “She ain’t never comin’ back”.
It wasn’t the man- or dishes she was running from,
Or her angry father, or dying Mom-
Or the bills to be paid, or her lack of free time…
She just couldn’t quiet her frenzied mind.
Many choices made before seeing the whole map,
Now with hundreds of eyes all watching her back.
Some always thought she was “too good to be true”,
But a handful knew how deep she was bruised.
An ache that went to the core of her soul-
An ache pills and prayer couldn’t seem to control.
A pain that pumped fresh with every beat of her heart,
Where did it come from, how did it start?
Down I-40 she tore up the road,
Despite she had nothing- and no place to go.
She fled for the deep south, as if it could save her-
She would stop at the ocean…maybe she’d hide there.
Hide in a palm tree? Work in a bar?
Make wishes on some falling star?
Running was crazy- and suddenly she knew it…
She had to go back, but how could she do it?
She’d been gone for a while, 3 hours max-
But no one even noticed she’d left…
The Man at work, and the kids playing games-
She walked in- and nothing had changed.
At 7 pm, martini’s were stirred-
She had 3- and went to bed blurred-
Woke the next morning…wanting Palm Coast-
And found herself aching- but safely at home.
How long? You might ask…till she runs again?
Jumps in her truck- and let's her wheels spin?
Will the pain surge, or will it finally ease?
I simply don’t know- I must wait and see…
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Just wondering...

Another report said that a group called "The Great Ape's" were creating refugee camps for the monkeys who were displaced by logging and humans who were using the land the monkeys live on.
Refugee camps? Really? My mind began to wander...I wondred if they would give the monkeys food and water? Medicine? Shelter? Cell phones? How about abortions on demand? (probably not- because they are endangered, unlike human babies.)
I remember when I was a little girl I used to watch "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" and we'd watch the elephants tramp all over their region looking for water during the height of the dry season. Deeply concerned, I asked my mom if we couldn't ship some trucks full of water to help the poor elephants who were dying of thirst. Seeing dead baby elephants on the dusty parched ground was a bit much for me to process, especially when we had such an abundance of water. She explained we couldn't send water for hundreds of elephants and it was natures way of keeping the elephant population in check.
If humans had been on the planet when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and the T-Rex was in decline...do you think we'd have made a refugee camp for them? How about a refugee camp for roaches, or rats, or termites?
We in the US have multi-million dollar programs to eliminate all kinds of unwanted creatures, and dang it- fleas are still NOT on an endangered species list! What's up with that? Of course, if we ever did get that close to killing the pesky little varmits- I'll bet the UN would do a report on it... but I wish they would focus on people.
And don't tell me the Orangutan is my cousin- nope...don't say it. You can claim to be from the same family tree as them, but not me... My kids might be, but not me :)
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Bon Voyage~
Even though I stand in the shadow and watch him go- it's a big step for me too. The divide between being a mothering parent, and a mother of a soon to be adult is a gulf that starts out small- and widens, like a stream that turns into a river. At some point the gap becomes to wide to cross back over (and this is how it should be)...but there is some amount of grief experienced in the process. I feel it now. I felt it when he took his first step, and when he went to kindergarten...and more intensely at this moment in time. I know the ache will reach a peak, and then subside, but I'm not there yet. I assume I'll have several more years of this "letting go"- and when the time is right- I will simply be at peace over who he is and what he will become in the world. I have done my best (and still doing!), and I hope it is enough.
The exteneded family situation continues to become more painful and complicated. This too shall pass- and I see glimmers of hope on the horizon, and also a season of loss and change. My brother will be moved into a group home this fall, and while this is best for him, it will be very difficult for my mom. This is simply a year of transition, on many fronts- and at times I am simply overwhelmed by what the future holds. To say that things are complicated is a major understatement.
My trip with my friend H to Orlando was a wonderful gift, and I hope to see her in my neck of the woods later this month as she makes her way north to a new/old life. Most of June will be busy, but July and August are still open. If any of you plan a trip to NC- I'd love to see you- or meet you part way if we can work it out.
I'm not disappearing- but I will be below the radar for most of the summer.
I thought I would do a "farewell" video for my blog, but I can't find the $#^&%!! camera! (I'm blonde...I lost it- sorry!) I'm not giving up just yet- so if you see a video post, then you know I found the bleeping camera. (ok- I found the one without sound! lol)
For now, I leave you with a beloved poem- which carries within it the sense of adventure and joy I want to leave with you, even though a departure of sorts is the reason for the poem. Be well. I will come and visit...I will leave you love notes.
I miss you- and some of you I love dearly- more than I'll ever know how to tell you.
I will be back- for now I say "fare thee well" :)
FAREWELL TO THE FARM
(Robert Louis Stevenson)
The coach is at the door at last;
The eager children, mounting fast
And kissing hands, in chorus sing:
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
To house and garden, field and lawn,
The meadow-gates we swung upon,
To pump and stable, tree and swing,
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
And fare you well for evermore,
O ladder at the hayloft door,
O hayloft where the cobwebs cling,
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
Crack goes the whip, and off we go;
The trees and houses smaller grow;
Last, round the woody turn we swing:
Good-bye, good-bye, to everything!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
May 30th...1969- 2008
These are "gifts" in my yard- yes...I planted them (but not the tree- God knew I wanted one- and this one started to grow last summer- despite the drought!)
And gifts of the heart are revealed in this quote I found yesterday~
"In loneliness, in sickness, in confusion-the mere knowledge of friendship makes it possible to endure, even if the friend is powerless to help. It is enough that they exist. Friendship is not diminished by distance or time, by imprisonment or war, by suffering or silence. It is in these things that it roots most deeply. It is from these things that it flowers. "
- Pam Brown
I've cried 3 times in the last 24 hours- over a friend moving away, over a poem I found written by my daughter years ago in a special book we shared...and I've shed tears for no good reason at all. (something I saw on TV?)
I am getting down-right sappy in my old age! lol! :) Hugs to each of you- I'm thinking of closing Mayden's Voyage for a while- or taking the summer off. (Oh- I might start crying again!) Yes...I think it's time. Not for goodbye- but farewell?
One more post- then I'm done for a few months.
Be back soon~
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Honoring those who gave their all~

Arlington

Having recently seen this film, Band of Brothers, for the first time- I must add a clip.
It was the most moving and powerful film I've ever seen. It's tough to watch, but I think it reflects the truth of what our men lived and died doing in the liberation of Europe and stopping Hitler.
Happy Memorial day- and God bless our men and women in uniform.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Oh- the places I've been!
It's May 9th (Happy Birthday Tim!) and I've been gone since May 1st...I arrived home later today.
I spent 3 days in Myrtle Beach with family, then drove to Orlando and spent time
with the lovely and wonderful "Kate" (Helene)- who is in the middle of a move and blogging is something she can't do at the moment.

We went to the beach, we worked out together, we lounged by the pool, we drank wine and martini's and walked to the lake in her area to see alligators up close and personal! We also went to the Raptor rehab center and got as close to an eagle (and a few other birds) than I'll ever be in the wild!
We also had great fun with her kids ("Can I have your number???")- who made me homesick for my own~I know this is a pitiful re-count of the last 8 days- but I promise to wax philosophical a little later this weekend :) Enjoy the photos for now!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Chipmunk Bites...

One of my first blog posts, over 2 years ago, was a story about the time I was bitten by a chipmunk while trying to save it from my cat. It amazes me every spring how many people google "Chipmunk bite" and end up here looking for information.
So- as a public service announcement- I'm not going to re-tell the story, but I am going to tell you what to do if you are bitten by a rodent of any kind- this includes chipmunks, squirrels, mice, rabbits, or any other critter you might encounter in your back yard.
Clean the wound, and GO TO THE HOSPITAL, or your closest Urgent Care facility!
The most serious issue at hand is not rabies, even though there is the potential for that, it's a STAPH INFECTION.
My bite was a little one, and after cleaning the wound on my finger I felt I would be fine...it seemed overly dramatic and silly to go to a Dr. for a tiny, though bloody, matter. However, my sister (God bless her) insisted I go to Urgent care...so I went.
The bite did not require stitches, but it did require a host of things from disinfectant to 10 days of antibiodics. When I expressed to the Dr. that I thought he was going a bit overboard when he bandaged up my arm and insisted that I keep my hand higher than my heart for the next 24 hours, his reaction was serious.
He said, "Cora, these kind of bites are dangerous because of the germs and bacteria on the teeth of a rodent. A staff infection can kill you in a matter of days if it's not treated aggresively."
I still thought he was over-reacting until a teacher at my son's school was doing yard work and was bitten by a squirrel. She cleaned up the wound, put some neosporin on it and a band-aid and went about her business. Within 3 days she was deathly ill with a fever and an infected hand. She was admitted to the hospital as her organs were shutting down, and was on IV antibiodics for over a month. She almost died from the infection from the squirrel bite.
If you are bitten by a critter that breaks the skin- go see a Dr. It might sound silly when you confess you were a Chipmunk victim, but it's not a laughing matter.
Be seen, take the antibiodics, and be well.
:)
My next post will be about my upcoming Myrtle Beach adventure! :)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Ok, ok, ok...

It's been a long week- I'm ready for something funny...or something fun! Tell me- what is the highlight of your week...your month???
My highlight will be coming soon...May 1st or 2nd...
More details when I have them!
:)
the pic is from South Africa- a few years ago- and I felt very lucky to walk out of my room and see a double rainbow~





