Thursday, April 25, 2013

Backbone and Mirth

My best friends mom, N,  was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease several years ago.  She fought with meds, determination, and a profoundly defiant personality.  She had been a charge nurse for ages and she knew what she was up against.  Refusing dialysis when her kidneys began to shut down she knew would be a painful choice, but it would end her suffering more quickly and in a natural way.

During the last week, despite 2 seizures, she drifted in and out of consciousness- but would smile when you held her hand and spoke to her.  She had been an active member of her church, was in the choir for many years, and had been married to my best friend's dad for 38 years.   She was well loved, respected, a fabulous cook, took charge of anything entrusted to her, and was not a woman to be trifled with.   She was full of 2 things, backbone, and mirth.

Yesterday, barely awake, her husband held her hand and asked her how she was.  Her reply was, "I don't like it, but it's ok."   A little later he told her he was going to sit by the bed and read the newspaper, and her last words were, "If you are going to read the paper, then I am going to sing."
And sure enough, for about 10 seconds she sang as best she could, an indecipherable song she had hidden in her heart.
We lost her this morning.

When her husband told me this story I was at a loss for words.  Utterly and woefully trapped in a body which was actively dying, in tremendous pain from the toxins building up in her system, unable to move, feed herself, or take care of her own basic needs...and yet there was ONE thing she could do.
She could sing.

She didn't complain.  She didn't weep- even with the understanding her moments were numbered.  She didn't yell, or fuss, or cry for more time.  She sang.  She faced her last hours with a song in her heart, and a tune on her lips- inspite of the disease which had ravaged her body and taken her years too soon.
She sang.

It occurs to me, as I struggle with my own mom and her illnesses, kids in college, and moments of pain, heartache, and well as the beautiful fact that I am well, can run 3 miles, have never been in better shape, can cook, clean, go to the beach, sit in the sun, and love with abandon...
I do not sing enough.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Sunset at the beach~

Mr. Sun, please stay with me,
Just 15 minutes more, I plead-
But He sinks behind the waves and sea,
Other places he must be.

While waking faces look ahead,
Stretch and yawn, climb out of bed,
The moon and stars have slipped away-
And my Mr. Sun begins their day.

He never pauses when I ask,
My pleading does not alter task-
Yet at the dawning, bright and wild,
His whispers golden, "Love you child!"

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


"Miracles do not, in fact, break the laws of nature."
C. S. Lewis

However, lies full of malice and corrupted intent will break your heart.
I suppose, at the sum of brokenness, lies a silver lining of truth- that one's heart is tender enough to actually be broken, and for that we can be grateful.  The shards of a shattered bottle can be repurposed for a beautiful stained glass window, or melted down and and made anew.
The bitter sting of betrayal is doubled when you realize a "friend" was NOT a friend, and all the nagging doubts you had about their true intentions, words, stories, and motives prove, yet again, your gut instincts were dead on.  ALWAYS listen to your gut.

The miracle of my day is knowing one simple truth...Love is never wasted.  What you plant with love always yields a crop, although it may not bear the fruit you were expecting.  Love is an energy which always comes back to you, and it heals, mends, soothes, and comforts.  Our brokenness is akin to a dry cracked patch of earth, and love is like a slow steady rain, followed by warm sun, and flowers will grow where it was once barren.
Love is never wasted, and forgiveness is a miracle.
May my life be full of both.